Toyota Hybrid RAV4 Demand Surge vs. Supply Constraints and Challenger Market Encroachment

1. 6-Month Narrative Velocity vs. Exposure Friction

2. Theater of Competition Matrix (90-Day Trajectory)

https://www.autonews.com/toyota/an-toyota-rav4-production-0622/ Article: > At Longo Toyota in El Monte, Calif., more than 800 customers are waiting for a 2026 Toyota RAV4 — and that waitlist keeps growing despite the dealership delivering over 200 of the redesigned crossovers in May alone. > > And Earl Stewart Toyota in Lake Park, Fla., presold each of the 40 new RAV4s offered on its website, weeks or months before delivery. > > Toyota dealerships nationwide are struggling with the same issue: Outsized consumer demand for one of the nation’s most popular nameplates and restricted supplies while the three plants worldwide that produce RAV4s ramp up output. > > In June one of those plants, in Georgetown, Ky., began U.S. production of the 2026 RAV4, adding an expected 40,000 vehicles this year to already maxed-out pipelines from Canada and Japan to help address U.S. demand. > > Even that may not be enough to allow U.S. dealers to build up inventory by the end of the year. On June 16, the nation’s 1,237 Toyota dealers collectively had 967 unsold RAV4 hybrids and 719 RAV4 plug-in hybrids. > > At least that’s what they started with that morning — but not where they ended that night. > > “It’s so hot, we’re counting inventory in hours’ supply right now, not days,” said Damon Rose, vice president of sales for the Toyota division of Toyota Motor North America. “Our turn rate was 97.6 percent last month — that means 97.6 percent of RAV4s available for sale in May were sold. I never thought I’d live long enough to hear about a statistic like that, but it just speaks to the demand we’re seeing for [our] bestselling vehicle in the United States.” > > Toyota warned dealers about slow RAV4 production with redesign > > Toyota warned dealers late last year that supplies of its top-selling RAV4 were going to be slim in the first half of 2026 as the Japanese automaker changed over factories in Japan and Canada to build the redesigned, hybrid-only model. Production began in December at the company‘s Takaoka Plant in Japan and launched a month later in Cambridge, Ontario, but the first 2026 models didn’t reach U.S. consumers until February, Rose said. > > The automaker delayed the start of 2026 model production to try and build up sufficient inventories of 2025 models to carry dealers through, but “probably by the middle of February we were darn near out of them,” Rose said. On June 16, Toyota’s internal inventory trackers still showed 16 unsold 2025 Toyota RAV4s in U.S. dealer inventories, but those were probably being used by dealers, he said. > > U.S. deliveries of the RAV4 through May were as rough as predicted: down 40 percent to 121,605. Included in that number are 10,221 sales of the RAV4 plug-in hybrid. With the 2026 model, Toyota expanded the RAV4 plug-in hybrid nationwide after it no longer had to meet state requirements for zero-emission vehicles. Sales of the PHEV version are still off 4.7 percent, however.     > For consumers who didn’t want to wait for a 2026 RAV4, Toyota suggested that dealers offer alternatives, including the similarly sized BZ electric crossover and Crown Signia, the body-on-frame Toyota 4Runner, the smaller Corolla Cross and even the Toyota Tacoma pickup. > > The strategy appeared to work, at least from the company’s most recent sales results. While RAV4 deliveries fell 26 percent in May from a year ago, each of those other nameplates were up between 0.6 and 114 percent. > > Because of the importance that the RAV4 represents to the brand and its reputation, Toyota also did something different with the launch of the 2026 model, Rose said. The automaker distributed about 150 prototype and early-production RAV4s to field technical specialists across the United States early this year. > > Sign up for our daily First Shift morning newscast email for a quick video to start your day. > > “We told them to drive them hard,” Rose said. “We wanted them driven up and down mountains in Colorado, driven in the desert, driven in the rain, driven everywhere. Go through the car wash backwards, do whatever you want to do with the RAV to make sure we leave no stone unturned, and do some early training for the dealers in the process.” > > The result was more than 700,000 miles of testing and fine-tuning “to make sure this launch goes as smoothly as it can.” > > Toyota also shared the vehicles with dealership technicians to make sure they got their hands on them early, Rose said. > > “Whether you’re making 100 or 500 a month or 20,000 a month in that startup process, we want to make sure that we can build them with high quality correctly; slower at first to make sure the supply chain, the workforce, the tooling, everything’s in place, and then we ratchet up that production time until it gets more to a peak level.” > > Georgetown output of RAV4s expected to be 40,000 this year > > At Georgetown Assembly, the RAV4 shares Line 2 with the hybrid Toyota Camry, sales of which are themselves up 13 percent through May to 147,471. Rose said that while Georgetown is expected to add 40,000 RAV4s to its stocks this year, it is scheduled to boost that number by about 50 percent next year. The majority of RAV4s sold in the U.S. will continue to come from Toyota’s plants in Canada, however. > > George Haddad, chairman of the Toyota National Dealer Advisory Council, said that even though the slower rollout might have meant a few lost sales, it will be worth it over the long term. > > “We all like to complain, but I’m happy with the process. Would I love to have another 100 RAVs? Absolutely,” said Haddad, dealer principal at the five-store Haddad Auto Group in Massachusetts, including Haddad Toyota in Pittsfield, Mass. “I agree with what they did, the slow rollout. They wanted it to be the best launch they’ve ever had, and it’s proving to be true. The cars are gonna roll out correctly. It’s painstaking, but it’s for the good of the customer and the good of the dealer.”  

**Background:** I came from two old cars: an ’08 Prius that’s totaled but drove great (but quickly became a risky rustbucket), and an ’06 CR-V whose transmission shat itself recently. I was fatigued by the many years dailying a tall and ponderous SUV, and I don’t want to die in the hands (body?) of a pleasant but uninsured (liability only) rust-trap (even though it still got 42mpg). I wanted a new or CPO hybrid liftback/hatchback from a reliable manufacturer, preferably a plug-in hybrid, which meant either a Prius (reg or plug in) or a Civic Hatch Hybrid that doesn’t plug in. I decided to go with the Prius Plug-In, since Honda’s track record for hybrids isn’t the greatest, plus the Civic Hatch Hybrid is a totally brand-new model right now. Pass… Also, Prius Primes/Plug-Ins are currently holding their value extremely well. (My local dealer was selling a ’24 non-Plug-In XSE (with options) with a previous owner and 14k miles for \~USD$36.6k. That’s basically the price of a brand new one. And someone bought 2 days after I test drove it. Jesus, I hope they haggled that price.) And yes, I went into Prius Plug-In ownership fully aware of the 12v battery issues. Thank you all for being vocal about it. **Finding the needle in the Toyota haystack:** I searched far, wide, and upside down for a 2026 Prius Plug-In SE in Midnight Black Metallic (aka black), and by the holy grace of God I managed to obtain one. (No 2025s left near me as you can imagine.) I wanted the SE because of the smaller and more aerodynamic 17” wheels for more electric range and a more comfortable ride, compared to the 19” wheels with less range and less sidewall on those tires for the higher trims. Plus, I don’t need the uselessly wider infotainment screen or any other niceties. I wanted an efficient and reliable mode of transportation. (Reminder: cars lose value!) **Waiting**➡️**Delivery:** Only two vehicles of that exact spec (not incl. optional equipment) were coming my direction this calendar year. In the end, my local dealer and an out-of-state dealer that had the Prius (fresh off the delivery truck) did a trade, not sure what vehicle my dealer ended up trading. (I asked 6 different employees with different job titles and no one “knew,” not that it’s my business.) I only had to wait 3 weeks from test driving that used ’24 to taking delivery. (Hell, it’s better waiting many months for a Sienna lol.) If it wasn’t for the two dealer’s cooperation, I’d be waiting until Christmas to get one that another nearby dealer was allocated, so hats off to them! Plus, they were able to match the discount off MSRP the other dealer advertised online. I was very lucky and fortunate to be approved for the 3.99% interest for 72mos November special they had. (I wonder what APR deals they’ll have in December.) **Honeymoon Period (current):** The black paint + black wheels + black license plates (with white text) look sick. I kinda wish the nightshade was available in SE trim. I can level 1 charge in my garage (max amps setting) with no extension cable. The night I brought it home, the hybrid battery charged from dead flat to 100% in \~10 hours, which is perfect for my commute and lifestyle. Insurance isn’t too bad considering it’s a new plug-in hybrid vehicle (and I’m under 30). On my 12v battery, I screwed in a battery monitoring device recommended by u/Simple-Special-1094 and have had no issues so far. App and communication work fine. Fingers crossed? (Link to battery monitor: [https://a.co/d/0OA2tc2](https://a.co/d/0OA2tc2))  By the way, I was amused to learn the heated steering wheel is standard on all trims. Cool, but out of all the premium features, that one? Fine by me I guess. **Complaints:** My fat ass is 6’4” and 330lbs (150kg), so getting in and out is a tad challenging, but it’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make. (I had less room in both the RAV4 and Tacoma I sat in at the dealer. The only car I fit in better than the Prius was the Crown lol. If only the Crown had a hatch…) About the gauge cluster: no, I can’t see the whole screen with the wheel positioned how I like it (fully raised, fully towards me), but I can see \~90% of it, i.e. my speed, drive mode, and range, which is all I need. I wish they embedded the display more inset in the dash (by the base of the windshield like the gen 2 Prius, waaaay down there, not close to your eyeballs). I miss the split rear backlight on the ’08 Prius, that really helped you see right behind your tailgate. Now that space is taken by the light bar and 3rd brake light and crap, that is a disappointment. I also miss not having a high belt line, but all car these days are guilty of it. When I get in this Prius, it’s like getting into a bathtub: very high and enveloping. This one shocked me, I do NOT miss having a rear wiper (as of now). I was expecting to, but nope, water just rolls right off. Maybe this winter, I’ll change my opinion haha. **EV Range Test:** This car was made almost 1 month ago, so this battery is about as new as it gets. A 100% charge in this 32°F weather (0°C) showed an estimated range of 34 miles. On pure electric, I exclusively drove on rural highways averaging a constant \~50mph (80.47 km/h) AND with the heat cranked to HI and fan speed almost on full blast. With those battery-hogging conditions, I drove 31 miles before the battery reached 0% and the gas engine kicked on. I’d say that’s pretty damn good! I’ll have to see if I can get that quoted 45mi of range in the other 3 seasons. Plugging it back in to charge (level 1), it said 10hrs to 100%. I mean, good god, is there a more perfect commuter car? I drive a mix of city and highway for work/errands/fun (more city tbh), so EV range in the mid-30 miles is perfect. Haven’t used gas since I brought it home from the dealer (and for this range test). **Updates and etc:** Wait, the charge cable is locked to the port until you unlock the car? Woof, that gave me a mini heart attack at first. I’m enjoying the adjustable regenerative braking setting. I have it on 2/3 strength. 3/3 strength is like moderately slamming the brakes, which stops you way behind the line of traffic at a stoplight, which in turn makes you look like an asshole lol. I wish the EV range section showed both percentage and miles remaining, not one or the other. Cloth seats are comfortable, I wish it had more lumbar support, but again that’s almost every car seat.  The hatchback is wonderful. It has a little less room than the gen 2 Prius, but it has a shit ton more than the gen 4 (’17-’22) Prius prime (sorry owners). The battery is now bolted under the car.  When I pulled out of my parking spot to leave work for the day, I got multiple head turns from coworkers. No, I didn’t expect this, despite how good it looks (especially in (almost) all black), ultimately it’s just a Prius. Whoever the designer is probably got a good bonus. Deserved!  About that 12v battery, Jesus Christ that thing is small, looks like that battery well they carved out can hold one that's \~30% larger! Seems like Toyota is cheaping out on 12v batteries. Tsk tsk. As of now, right before posting this, I am in love with this car. I am obsessed with it. This must be what new parents feel, except the Prius doesn’t talk back or get pregnant. I love it more than the already-adored ’08 Prius and infinitely more than that high riding CR-V. (I drove my parent’s Palisade last summer while they were visiting, that thing is like a fucking school bus. Very wallowing, floaty, ponderous, tall, wide, long, and especially thirsty. How do they stand it? Imagine driving a Suburban or a QX80…) I’m curious how many Prius Plug-Ins Toyota will sell this year. In the US, they sold 7557 in 2023, 12672 in 2024. My dealer says they sell every one they get allocated, and the supply is not quite meeting their demand, despite the (to me) incomprehensible lust for SUVs.     If you have any questions for this (very new) owner, let me know!

I was wondering if anyone else has experienced this, or if this is something new to purchasing hybrids in the current market: I want to purchase a Toyota RAV4 Hybrid as my next vehicle.  This will be my first car purchase since all my previous cars have been hand-me-downs, and as such, I’m quite inexperienced (and nervous) with the entire process, especially having to negotiate with the salesperson at the dealership.  I called a few dealerships to see what they had in stock for test drives, and they told me RAV4 Hybrids are quite popular, and are sold fast.  Two separate Toyota dealers in the area had told me they do not have the exact trim I’m looking for and will have to wait for the Toyota manufacturer to provide them with more vehicles.  Apparently (according to the person from the dealership who I was talking to on the phone), this is a supply issue not just in my area but nationwide.  In the meantime, they suggested I can be put on a “waitlist” of sorts, wherein I put down a refundable $500 deposit to be on some kind of “waitlist” be notified from said dealer if the vehicle I would like is available to purchase.  Additionally, to look for more ways to save money, I was recommended to look at the Costco auto program to get a rebate or better financing deals if I choose a dealer through the program.  Since I was a Costco member, I figured I’d take advantage of this, which led me to realize that only 1 dealership in the Twin Cities area is affiliated with this program.  I test drove a Toyota RAV4 Hybrid at that dealership. A few days later, I put $500 down to be on that so-called “waitlist.”  No price was negotiated since they didn’t have a single vehicle on sight that they can sell (I guess they sold what was left of their stock in those few days); I was told they’d have a better idea of their inventory for this vehicle in mid-May. It was only after doing this that I looked up more information on this particular dealership and saw some pretty poor reviews regarding peoples’ experiences with this place.  Granted, the salesperson I spoke to for the test drive and initial deposit were not negative, I’m still a little nervous about what the experience will be.  They already know I came to them from the Costco Auto program (and know full well they’re the only dealership that has that program, giving them more leverage, I’d assume).  Additionally, it seems as though the market for this car is extremely demanding, and I’m in less of a position to negotiate lower prices. Let’s say I go to the point of negotiating price at this particular dealership, and don’t like the OTD price.  I have no problem walking out the door (assuming I get my $500 refunded).  Will I have to start the “waitlist” crap all over again with a different dealer (depending on their stock)? Has this been other’s experiences trying to purchase Toyota hybrid vehicles?  Is this a typical experience for purchasing a new Toyota Hybrid in 2024? Are these hybrid vehicles that popular that it seems as though I would have little-to-no buying power when it comes to negotiating the price?

**I am not The OOP, OOP is u/wannabefashionsis** **My [35F] sister [29F] is unemployed, living with me and wasting time and our parents money on a delusional career path. How do I tell her she needs to get her act together?** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Racism, homophobia, entitlement!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/6j62fc/my_35f_sister_29f_is_unemployed_living_with_me/)  **June 23, 2017** Hi Reddit Relationships! I want to start by saying I love my sister and my family but they've put me in a situation that straining out relationships. I'll provide some backstory. (names are changed) My mother and father have been married for 39 years, they are amazing and supportive of all their children. I am the eldest at 35, my brother Ian is 32, my sister Ashley is 29. When I was 19 my grandmother passed away and left her house to my father who never planned to return because of a past trauma. I was given the house (legally it is my house in my name) with the agreement that I continue paying the mortgage and utility on my own, I've since finished paying it off and began remodeling. Around the time I was 24 my brother Ian moved in for a year to be closer to his job, during this time he payed rent and bought food and house supplies, it was a great year of bonding for us. He eventually moved in with his girlfriend (now wife). So now I'm 35 living in this house and I get home one day to find Ashley unpacking in the extra room saying she was moving in. I got no notice of this, I talked to my parents about this and they said "it's temporary while she's at college". This flustered me because she has always been very anti-college and preaches that you don't need a degree to get a job, that it just puts you in more debt, blah blah blah. I tell them that I'm uncorfortable with this and they just brush it off saying "Ian stayed I'd be rude not to help your sister", the difference is that Ian is a sweetheart and Ashley is sour patch, but they agree to pay her rent and assure me it'll only be a year and I try to let it go. The issues started literally the next day because despite my house being closer to her school it's still to far for her and she doesn't have bus fare so she DEMANDED I take her to school. After her whining I gave in and did it only to find out its fashion school! My parent gave me the impression that she was doing something to turn her life around and finding a career, I have nothing again the fashion industry but it isn't a stable path for an unemployed nearly 30 year old woman. First month goes by and its bill time, I lay it out (I didn't including the remodeling fees because I didn't think was fair to charge her for it) and she flips her shit starts screaming and crying that how dare I ask for money then calls our parents and throws the phone at me and walks away. They explain that they can't afford to pay for both her college and her rent and that she's my sister and I should let it go. Not only is she living in my house, but she's eating my food (she can't by her own), and wasting my gas for this bullshit class. They now give me 200$ and month to cover gas. I know I must come off as a bad person trashing my sisters career path but I feel like she doesn't have a future in this and her grades reflect it. She is incredibly negative and rude to anyone who attempts to help her, this includes her former teacher who had her transferred to a different class after an incident that she won't tell me about. She's also incredibly racist and homophobic, there's many black gay men in her school who in her words are untalented and only there because ethnic and gay. I should mention that I am a lesbian and her language is beyond offensive, she won't hold back with, ni***rs this f*gs that, even when I have company over and my friend politely decline my invitations now. She regularly, almost daily has tantrums about how she's being discriminated against, and acts like she's more stressed than medical or law school students. She feels as though her clothing is better than the grades she's receiving, I'm not a fashion expert but I think the criticism she receives is more than fair. Her cloths are generic and look like anything you could pull of a rack at forever 21 which wouldn't be a bad thing if she didn't keep trying say it's high fashion and couture. She also thinks she is single handedly responsible for bringing back chokers, pink hair, braids, ect. Wow this has turned into a book, but wait there's more! Even though I don't agree with her career choice I've tried to help her with marketing by making accounts on Instagram, DePop, Etsy, and Facebook. She deleted every account once they got so much as a "looks cheap", then said that Gucci and Versace didn't get famous off social media. What do I do Reddit? What changes can be made? I don't mind her living with me but she shouldn't be able to buy her own food? Would it be rude to tell her I don't want her around when I have company? Am I just being overly judgmental?  TL;DR: Parents moved my sister in for college, she doesn't pay for anything and eat my food, is going to a fashion college but is rude-racist-homophobic, doesn't accept help or criticism. I need to make house hold changes, how? EDIT: I'll be making a contract this weekend with a deadline for her get her shit together. I'll also address my parents but separate. What should be added to the contract/converation? I'll be presenting it to her Sunday and I'll update how it goes. EDIT2: I posted this in the comments but it should also be added here. "I've since payed more in repairs to the house than what half of the original mortgage was. I was essentially kicked out at 19 and told I could live here and pay it or find somewhere else. Also my siblings got an actual inheritance, I did not, they also got 2 vintage well taken of cars amoung other things from her estate that add up to much more than half the house. My sister immediately spent all of this money on who knows what." **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **andromedamountains** > Just flat out tell her this isn't working for you. > > That, or give her an ultimatum to get a part-time job to pay for her bills or she can leave. I'm a STEM major, full-time, at a competitive college and I have time for my job. She can figure it out. > > You're letting them push you around because their family. Let them know they're burning the bridge if they want to keep up how this is currently being run, because it honestly is. You are developing a lot of resentment to multiple people. **OOP** >> I'm feeling very taken advantage of by my parents, also kind of jealous they never helped me. I was given the house but payed more than half of the original mortgage on my own at 19 years old, if I asked for any help they just say "the house wasn't enough?" >> >> This is making me resent them. When I confront her should I also have my parents there as well? **~** **congorebooth** >OP, you come across as a doormat. I don't know if as the oldest kid you were tasked as the "problem solver" of the family or what, but NONE of this is normal. Ideally you should have shut it down when you walked in your home and found your sister unpacking with zero permission or advance notice. It is not at all normal that you weren't asked about this, and your parents are being disingenuous to pretend like it's no big deal. They're probably just relieved your sister isn't in their house any more. She is TWENTY-NINE, she is a grown adult and she is not your responsibility. If your parents want to fund this longshot fashion dream of hers, that's their business. But you don't have to have a racist, homophobic, freeloading trashmouth failure-to-launch living in your house. Kick her to the curb. **OOP** >> I was defiantly the "problem solver" instead of my parents confronting difficult situations they often expected me to guide them through it as the eldest. I was also blamed for their mistakes although it happens less after I moved. >> >> Thank you for saying this, I didn't realize how not normal it is until this post. [Update](https://archive.is/qnGZj)  **June 30, 2017 (1 week later)** Hi again reddit! I'm sorry for taking a while to update but I wanted to wait and give you something worthwhile. I'll start by saying SHE IS GONE! I'll go into detail though for those who are interested. So after my first post I stood up all night reading and replying to comments and you all made me realize how messed up the situation was. Despite that I still wanted to give my sister Ashley a chance because I felt like if someone didn't tell her she was being an ass then she'd just continue think it was okay. I made a contract (big thanks to /u/GnollBelle for the help), these were the conditions: she'd have her 2 weeks to look for a job or set up a way to sell her stuff, and starting next month she'd need to start paying rent and I'd be making her a renter with a month to month legal contract. Once she graduates (or fails) she's out. She'd have to stop with the homophobia and hate speech, period. She would be responsible for her own food and transportation, I will no longer be accepting gas money to take her school and if our parents choose to give her that money for bus fare then I'd be up to them. I also made a chore list marked with her responsibilities. So on Sunday I sat her down and told her we needed to have a talk then presented her with this list. As expected she flipped her shit, absolutely lost it, just started crying and whining then stormed off to her room. I was just waiting for the inevitable call from my parents, when I got it I was ready to argue with them to my surprise they actually agreed with me. My father pretty much said "it's about time you grew some balls", they also told me that if I didn't tell her to grow the hell up then she'd never learn. I got the impression that they pawned her off on me so she would get a dose of reality and that instead of showing it to her I let her walk all over me. I know that my parents call sounds a little harsh but it really encouraged me to stand strong. After about an hour Ashley came out of her room and said she was ready to negotiate, I literally laughed and told her that this isn't a negotiation that she'll do it or she'll need to find a new place to live. Started crying about how unfair it was and that I was being a asshole, I told her that if everyone she meets is an asshole then maybe she's the asshole (this line was posted somewhere in the comments and I couldn't wait to say it to her!). She stormed out crying and didn't come out all night. Monday she began going to school on her own and my parents did decide to give her the 200$ for bus fare and an extra 100$ for groceries. When I made the first post we we're already low on food and I usually shop on Sunday but this week I decided that I wouldn't and that I'd eat out for a while instead. There was still basic stuff for sandwiches and ramen but that wasn't enough for her, moment she got home she went to the fridge and threw a fit, saying I'm trying to starve her out. I left and ate with my friends and had a great night, when I got back she was giving me the silent treatment then randomly screamed "why are you doing this me! I'm your fucking sister!" I told her that as long as she's living me she's responsible for herself. More silent treatment all through Tuesday and Wednesday. Thursday rolls around and she calls me at work asking for a ride home, I told her to take the bus and she says that she doesn't have money for it since she has to buy her own food now. It was literally 4 days! I flat out asked what she spent it on because that is ridiculous, she's be taking Ubers! Ubers at rush hour and restaurants! I didn't pick her up but transferred her 5$ for the bus and she had the nerve to be upset about it. She didn't even use it and ended up calling our brother Ian. She threw a shit fit in his car and blurted out that she quit school because all of this was too much pressure, that she hates me and can't stand living with me and my bullshit rules along with homophobic slurs . My brother knows about our contract and immediately said pack your shit and get out, when I got home he was already putting stuff in his truck and she was sitting on the couch crying. The moment she sees me she just starts screaming and cursing until she's red in the face and Ian told her to get in the car. She left after giving the whole "I'm never speaking to you again" speech. It's Friday and I'm waiting to get my locks changed. My parents did not allow Ashley back after finding out she quit school so she's going to be staying with our cousin Amy who is a 38 year old military veteran who doesn't take shit from anyone, very fitting for the situation. Thank you for your help reddit. TL;DR: She spent all of her money on fancy food and uber in 4 days, quit school told our brother, broke our contract and is gone! Getting locks changed. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP** **DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7**

**I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Kyomuno1** **Originally posted to r/AITAH** **Previous [BoRU](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/GMmXQ5RqKz)** **[Old New Updates]: AITAH for completely ignoring my oldest stepdaughter during the holidays?** **Editor's note: removed older relevant comments for space in this continuing BoRU** **Thanks to u/DuGalle for letting me know about the latest updates** **Trigger Warnings:** >!promoting a suicide attempt, emotional abuse and manipulation, infidelity, verbal abuse, body shaming!< ---- **RECAP** [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/6AZazh6v66): **December 31, 2025** Okay, let me give a little backstory since the title automatically makes me sound like the AH here. My oldest stepdaughter is now 26yo, but the issue started two years ago when my husband and two youngest kids took a trip to Lake Tahoe for a week. We spent lots of time on the beach, got lots of pictures of the kids and posted every single one of them on Facebook so the family could see (our 28M and 26F children live in Montana and our 22F had to work and couldn't go with us). Now, I don't know if any of you have been to the beaches at Lake Tahoe in the summer (the trip was mid-July), but let me tell you, they were *so crowded*! Anyway, we got back from our trip, and my hubby tried to video call our 26F daughter, but he found out she had blocked him on Facebook. he then tried calling and texting her, but got no response. We didn't want to drag our 18M child into the situation (even though we weren't even sure what the situation was to begin with), but when we called to check in with him, my hubby just asked, "do you know if we did something to upset your sister?". Our 28M said he didn't know, but he would ask. We didn't get an answer, but by the time of 26F birthday that November, she was suddenly talking to us both again. We sent her money for her birthday since she needed help with getting her car fixed, then sent more money for Christmas for the same thing. We made a trip up to see the kids the following spring and everything seemed fine. Cut to June of 2024 and she blocked us again. We messaged her on her b-day saying, "Happy Birthday, we love you" and sent her money for her b-day instead of presents since she wasn't answering her phone and blocked us. Same thing for Christmas. Now it's 2025 and Mid-June, their step father's mom passed away. The older kids came down for the services and were here for 5 days. 26F stayed with her bio mom (which we were fine with and understood without complaint) while 28M slit his time between houses (2 nights with us and 3 at his mom's). His last day here, he broke down and told me that the reason 26F cut us off is because she was insulted and disgusted by the pictures we posted from our trip to Tahoe. I was confused, so he explained. In every one of the pictures we took of the kids, there were also women in bikinis, and she feels it was wrong of us to take pictures with them in them and then post them without permission. She felt like we were focusing on the women and not the kids. The section of beach was about two hundred yards with over 150 people (most were women in bikinis) on it. It didn't matter where our kids were or how close I zoomed, we were going to get people in the picture. 26F didn't come to see us once, which was mostly upsetting because of how much it hurt her father. Now for the part where I’m wanting to know if I was the AH...I sent her a text message (since we're still blocked on social media) and asked if there was anything she wanted or needed for her b-day. I sent it 2 weeks before her b-day and got no response...so I sent nothing. Same for Christmas. Hubby asked me about it a few hours ago, asking what I sent her and I said nothing. He got upset and said that was screwed up and we should've sent her something, but the way I look at it, she only resumed talking to us until she got help getting her car fixed then shut us out again. She never once talked to us about what we "did" that upset her, never answers our calls and if we're video calling 28M (they live together with two friends) she'll ensure she's out of the room until he's off the call. I feel like she's willing to talk to us, but only when she needs something and I don't feel we did anything wrong to begin with. So, AITAH for not sending her anything for b-day and x-mas? **EDIT:** Something a lot of people have mentioned that I would like to address is my husband’s lack of involvement with gift giving. This has been the only year where this is the case. My husband was admitted to the hospital here the Sunday before her birthday and was there for ten days. He got to come home then ended up there again dec 15 and wasn't released until Christmas eve. I handled the Christmas shopping and wrapping gifts this year. For the first sixteen years of our marriage, he helped with every single gift and even helped wrapping (though he really sucks at it lol). Another thing that's been mentioned a lot is the possibility that she feels like he's more present with the younger kids than he was for her. This is definitely not the case. When she was growing up, he had more time at home, we traveled more, had more family activities. Now, he works longer hours and, up until he got sick, was working five days a week, 50hr days. We do what we can to make sure we do things as a family, we try to go on adventures, but it's not nearly as often as we were able to with the older three. Our kids are 28M, 26F, 22F, 15M and 14F. When 26F blocked us, she cut ties with the other siblings here and only talks to 28M who lives with her in another state. I'm only able to relay things from our side as she won't talk to anyone here to explain the cause or any issues she has. As I shared with another person who commented: Our kids are 28M, 26F, 22F (these are my bonus kids), 15M and 14F. Husband has always been very involved. 26F moved fourteen hours away with her gf at the time back in 2018 and they talked every other day on the phone. This kept up until the Tahoe trip. We've made at least one trip a year up to visit her (apart from this year because they came here instead for their grandma's services where we saw 28M, but not 26F). Aside from this year, hubby's been an equal participant in buying gifts and he's the one who sent her $2,200 last year, half for b-day and half for x-mas to get her car fixed. She unblocked him long enough to ask for help fixing her car then blocked him again once he sent the money. 26F was 6 when her parents divorced and before that, he was always involved, even switched his work schedule to attend sporting events for them. **EDIT:** Hubby and I talked this morning, and I explained why I handled it the way I did and I DID apologize for not talking to him first. Not only was I not wanting to stress him out more while he was dealing with his health issues, but as I told him, I also know that he let her take advantage of him last year and it put us in a crappy position all so he could help her and get cut off again. Yes, it upset me, but I never questioned him because she's our child, but after her being NC this entire year and all his health issues that have us paying an insane amount of medical debt off, we can't afford for him to cave like that again. I admitted it was wrong for me to not discuss it with him, I 100% own up to that and I even told him that I'd support his decision to send her money, but it would have to be an agreed upon reasonable amount, not like the $2,200 she was sent last year. After he explained his side and I explained mine, he said he understands why I didn't send anything and, much to my surprise, supports it. He said he agrees that she's obviously asking for space and we'll give it to her until she's ready to communicate and we'll be open for her to do so whenever she's ready. **AITAH has no consensus bot, it was leaning towards NTA for OOP** &nbsp; **Editor's note: below is the update that we were left off** [Update #1](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/MAmfS2GSz1): **December 31, 2025 (same day, 12 hours later)** **Final Update: AITAH for completely ignoring my oldest step daughter during the holidays?** So much to unpack here, but I'll do my best to cover everything. Our 28M son saw the original post early this morning and he finally decided he was done letting his sister be evasive, so he sat her down and demanded answers. I feel absolutely awful for 28M because he called me bawling his eyes out. So, the pictures on Facebook excuse, not a real (not at all surprised). It turns out that three years ago, 26F bio mom told her that hubby isn't her dad. Apparently 26F is the result of an affair (one of many affairs her bio mom admitted to). Daughter claims she tried to "play nice and act normal" (those were the words he used, so may not be her exact words), but that she decided she isn't going to keep acting like he's her dad when he's not. He said she isn't interested in talking to any of us because there's no point when we're not even her family. I'm honestly not even sure how to process this, but more importantly, I'm not sure how to break it to my husband. He's currently at work and goes in for surgery on Jan 5th and is already stressed the hell out, so I don't know if I should tell him today after he gets home, or wait until he's home after his surgery. 28M is devastated and spent twenty minutes telling me how cruel and heartless she's being since my husband has been a great dad to her and how this is going to destroy their dad (which he's right, it will). So, I guess my question now is, WIBTAH if I wait to tell him until after his surgery in 5 days? **Relevant Comments** **Commenter 1:** NTA Since his surgery is so soon, you can wait to tell him afterwards. No need to cause this much stress right now since the situation isn't really an emergency, she's not a minor, there's no custody battle or child support to be paid. Her behavior though seems odd but it's kind of hard to tell what's up without her POV. Is it possible she met her bio dad & maybe clicked better with him but doesn't want to say? I can't see myself dropping my dad as an adult if I find out he's not bio dad, unless that information explains unfair things/trauma from my childhood, or if he was a shit dad to begin with. > **OOP:** I honestly don't know anything more than what he told me and since she refuses to communicate with us herself, I guess we just have to accept that. I can't speak for how her dad and bio mom treated her before their divorce, but from the time I met him to present, he's always been a good dad to all five kids. It kills me that she would cut us out for something completely out of our control and claim we're not her family when we're the ones who stood by her and helped her all this time. > > Hubby paid child support for all three of the older kids, paid for all extracurricular activities, field trips, school clothes/supplies, paid for school lunches and paid all medical costs. He showed up for everything (sporting events, school plays, even elementary school and high school graduations). I get that she's found out she has another part of her family now, but blood or not, I don't know how she can just write off her father, me and our youngest two kids who both loved and looked up to her. > > I do think I'll be waiting until after his surgery since it's not like things will magically change in the next five days. I definitely don't want to give him one more thing to be stressed about before he has major surgery. Thank you for your response. **Does OOP's husband know if his daughter is his?** > **OOP:** Hubby never even suspected she wasn't his and, to my knowledge, no paternity test has been done. Even if she isn't biologically my hubby's child, we still love her and consider her ours, even if she doesn't feel the same. **Has 26F done a confirmed test or going by her mother's words?** > **OOP:** To my knowledge, just her mother's word for now. I told our 28M son not to ask anything more unless he's asking for himself because he doesn't need to be stressing himself out when he has a child of his own to care for. If HE wants answers, that's fine, but he doesn't need to be the middleman here. \+ > Well, if she really ISN'T my hubby's bio daughter, then his ex lied for 26 years (almost 27 if you count her pregnancy). I don't have any way of knowing if she's done a paternity test with the supposed bio dad, but I know hubby has never done one or felt there was a reason to. **Can OOP's husband sue his ex if 26F is not his?** > **OOP:** Suing ex would be pointless. She hasn't worked in more than 15 years, is being evicted from her home and her current hubby is working three minimum wage jobs just to support them. **OOP needs to tell her husband about the possibility of 26F not being his after the surgery has been completed** > **OOP:** Our son lives in the same house as her several states away, but will be doing a video call with me when I break it to his dad after he's recovered enough to handle it (within the next two weeks I hope). I hate keeping something like this from him, but I also can't risk making things worse for him when he needs to be focusing on his health right this moment. He needs to get better because we have four other children who need him and a grandson. **OOP on if the bio mother has manipulated the older kids against her?** > **OOP:** Bio mom spent the first seven years of hubby's and my marriage telling the kids that I was a horrible person that was going to make their dad leave them and then told them their dad was worthless and was the reason she couldn't afford to get them nice things for b-days and x-mas. So, yeah, bio mom is a pretty awful person. She's always used manipulation and guilt to get the kids to do what she wants and, luckily, they all figured that out in their late teens and ended up moving in with us at some point. > > We try to keep things civil for the kids, but she still has the nerve to try bad mouthing my hubby to me every chance she gets. Oh, and the cause of their divorce that she told the kids was all their dad's fault, he caught her cheating on him, and she was pregnant with another man's kid. So, it's safe to say that she's already known for being deceitful. I have no doubt that hubby would agree to a DNA test if she was willing to do one, but it wouldn't change the fact that he'll always view her as his daughter. Unfortunately, she isn't willing to speak with us, so nothing we can do about it until she is. **Is 26F in therapy?** > **OOP:** Her getting therapy is something out of my control since she lives fourteen hours away and refuses to communicate with us. She's 26 years old, I can't force her to do anything, no one can. I think therapy would be good for her, especially now that we know some of what's going on with her, but nothing any of us here can do right now. &nbsp; ---- #----OLD NEW UPDATES---- **Editor’s note: the next two updates are over five months old, and they have not been posted here onto the sub** [Update #2](https://www.reddit.com/u/Kyomuno1/s/XPiOaHFoqg): **January 15, 2026 (over two weeks late)** Not a whole lot to update on, unfortunately, but I'll give you what I have. I did tell hubby on Sunday while he was still in the hospital. He took it okayish. He said it made a lot of sense if that's the real reason she pulled away, but agrees that blood or not, she's ours. I wanted to wait to tell him for another week, but when I brought in the DNA kit for him to do, he literally guessed why and it kind of left me shocked. We got the ancestry DNA kits for the entire family (28mand 26f included and shipped directly to them). Everyone in our household took them last week, I even drove to the hospital to have hubby do his. 26f refuses to take it, though 28m took his. Nothing much we can do there. As for hubby's surgery, it took place the fifth and his expected four day hospital stay turned into seven, but he's home now and working on recovering. He still has 4-6 weeks until he's expected to be able to return to work, so for now, he's getting a taste of my SAHM life with our youngest two and their constant bickering lol. The last new development, one that hit pretty damn hard for me and hubby, came from our youngest (14f). She's been in therapy for about a year not for her depression, anxiety and anger issues associated with her other diagnosed conditions. On Tuesday, she asked me to attend her therapy session with her, and I did so after her therapist agreed. Our youngest has some deeply rooted unpleasant feelings toward our 26f. She had, apparently, had brief communication with 26f a few times last year that she never told us about. None of it was pleasant. It all started with 14f posting a meme in the family chat (FB messenger group chat, which is highly monitored and they can only access it from our home as they do not have the passwords to log in elsewhere). The meme was about depression, and I did see it and talked to 14f about it in depth which is what led to her starting therapy. 26f saw the message 14f posted and then proceeded to text her on her cell. The following are copies of what she said. 26f: U no ur parents don’t give a shit bout u. if they luvd u, they would get u help instead of sitting on their asses while u post that shit. do urself a favor and get out the sec ur 18. 14f: mom got me help. I tried talkin to you, but you don’t listen to me. you sed I could talk to you anytime, but you lied. mom and dad love me and they got me help. that’s more than I can say for you. 26f: sur keep tellin urself that. guess it don’t matter tho. not like we family. u do u and if u decide 2 end it remember its wrist 2 elbow. I bet ur just out 2 git attention neway Needless to say, we're good with not pushing for reconciliation at this time. The messages were sent at the end of Nov 2025 and 14f took screenshots, emailed them to herself then deleted them off her phone so we wouldn't see when we did our random phone search. I get that what 26f bio mom sprung on her has likely affected her emotions in a profound way, but hubby and I are choosing to focus on the children we CAN help for now. This whole thing is a huge mess and while I know there are going to be people coming on here, preaching about how 26f is still our daughter and we should be willing to do anything to fix things, drive the fourteen hours one way, spend the more than $1,000 on a trip that will likely only make matters worse, etc...it's just not going to happen right now. Hubby and I wrote letters to her, his was written while sitting in the hospital ffs, and I mailed them Monday, so with everything else we've tried on top to the letters, I think we're going to take a step back and focus on our other four kids, get 14f the help she needs, focus on getting 15m ready for baseball season, help 28m with caring for our grandson and help 22f with navigating her current job search for a better paying job. I appreciate everyone who offered advice, even the advice that was more harsh and critical. It helps getting others point of view so you can see the situation from an angle you may not have otherwise. I don't know when/if I'll update again at this point, but, again, thank you all. **Relevant Comments** **Commenter 1:** Jesus Christ. 26F told your 14 year old HOW TO SLIT HER WRISTS?!? What the actual f. Does 26F have some sort of learning disability? I know that kids use "text-speak" but hers seems a bit extreme given her age? Does she have a job? > **OOP:** 26f is "in between jobs" according to 28m. He said she's been through four jobs since the start of 2025 **Commenter 2:** You need to block 26f from your daughter’s phone. > **OOP:** Trust me, the second I left the therapists office, we went straight home, blocked her on all 14f and 15m fb account, blocked her number on their phones then created new emails for each of them. **Commenter 3:** I think 26f has been so damaged by her mother. She cannot be even 100% sure that she truly isn't her father's. Now she's lashing out on a 14 yo... It's not justifying her behavior, you've done everything you could to help her and let her know she is still your daughter. She needs to deal with her feelings on her own. The worst part is, if she ever gathers strength to do that DNA test and finds out she's actually bio child of your husband, she will regret everything she's done now. > **OOP:** I agree, this is something she's going to have to deal with processing everything on her own. She knows that 14f has had suicidal thoughts and was caught self-harming in the past, so the fact that she said something so completely heartless to her kills me. 14f has been bullied relentlessly at school because of her learning disabilities, speech impairment and the fact that her ASD makes her different from most kids her age. The fact that her own sister, the one she has looked up to and adored since she was an infant, bullied her in such a cruel way, I don't know that she'll ever be able to repair the damage she caused there. > > 15m now knows what 26f said to 14f (14f confessed to him when they were walking home from school weds), he wants nothing to do with 26f. He may fight with 14f all the time, but he's very protective of her. As for me and hubby, we're both hurt, angry and still shocked. I don't know where we all will go from here, but as a family, we have a lot of healing to do, with or without 26f. &nbsp; [Last Update](https://www.reddit.com/u/Kyomuno1/s/YYYvYt5ndh): **January 28, 2026 (nearly two weeks later)** Well, we did the Ancestry DNA tests, step daughter refuses to do hers. She ended up caving and confessing that she had already done one and my hubby isn't her bio-dad. Hubby knows everything now and, needless to say, is devastated, but not because she's not biologically his. He's devastated that she didn't come to us, that she cut all of us out of her life without a word, leaving us all thinking we did something wrong. he's hurt that she didn't give him the chance to prove that he loves her no matter what the DNA test showed. With the way everything happened and the fact that hubby is still recovering from surgery while our youngest is dealing with therapy three days a week, we're going to do our best to focus on handling the things that we can control and not focus on what we can't. We hope that she'll one day come to a point where she'll realize we weren't the bad guys in this, but after everything she's said to our youngest, it'll take a lot to get over it all. For everyone who gave advice, thank you. To everyone who helped me see things from a different perspective, you ARE appreciated. **Relevant Comments** **Commenter 1:** I'm guessing therapy for the whole family, individual and familial, minus the step-daughter would be a good idea. Take care of yourself and your family! > **OOP:** We had our first family therapy session last Thursday and while it was heavy (hubby learning just how deeply 26f has hurt 14f), it felt good for everything to be out in the open. We'll be attending family sessions once per week and 14f and I are doing individual once a week as well. 15m doesn't want to do individual, but knows the option's there if he changes his mind, same with 22f. **Commenter 2:** Did the other children receive their DNA results? > **OOP:** We should have them back 4-6 weeks. We have no doubt that the oldest is hubby's bio kid since they look identical (aside from hubby having greying hair and some aging in the facial area) and I know the youngest two are his (since I was there from conception to delivery and haven't slept with anyone but my hubby in 19yrs). We're waiting for results mainly for 22f daughter, but we've spoken in depth with her and she agrees that no matter what the results say, hubby is her dad and she refuses to hold it against him if they don't share DNA. It's been an emotional rollercoaster for sure, but we're determined to focus on healing as a family. I know my hubby hopes 26f will come around and I still hold hope she will as well, but I refuse to let her behavior draw attention from what the rest of us need right now. She's made her choice to push us away for something we have no control over, so I'm making my choice to focus on helping control the fallout of her actions (mainly in regards to the havoc she caused in 14f's life). **Additional [Information](https://www.reddit.com/user/Kyomuno1/comments/1qpz2xs/comment/o9inyh2/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) from OOP: March 6, 2026 (nearly 1.5 months later)** > **OOP:** Not really much to update, sadly. Hubby has recovered and recently returned to work, our youngest is still in therapy three times a week with hubby, 15 year old son and I joining her for family sessions once a week. Still no word form 26f daughter, but we're all doing a little better these days and therapy has helped a lot. &nbsp; **DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7** **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP**

**I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/throwawaythehatersok** **Originally posted to r/AITAH** **Previous BoRUs: [#1](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/dBeG3gxeJW), [#2](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/mJTX4DU69U)** **[New 2-Year Update]: Fiancé thinks I am an ass for not converting** **NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH** ---- **Thanks to u/queenlegolas & u/soayherder & u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU** **Trigger Warnings:** >!mentions hate crime, religion abuse, verbal abuse, threatening behavior, harassment, stalking, physical violence!< ---- **RECAP** [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/SAiEigEhhV): **August 21, 2024** Throwaway as my main he follows. I've never posted on this sub before so please delete if not allowed. I (F35) and my Fiancé "Todd" (M41) met over a decade ago and we have a mutual friend group. We started dating last year, and got engaged last month. Generally speaking, he treats me like a queen. He spoils me a lot and I appreciate it always. He's usually respectful and kind, communicative and patient with me. This started to change and I want to say it started to change once the ring was accepted. I need to be clear, I don't much care to get married. I am perfectly fine with not. My parents aren't married but they have been in love and together for over 40 years. My siblings are all but one unmarried but in seemingly happy relationships each at least for 5 years. But Todd is Christian and is of the mind that two people eventually need to get married to be happy. We talked about it at length both before we were a couple and after we started dating. I was clear that I don't want or need a ring but if it's important to a partner I come to love then whatever. I will do a small wedding. He was overjoyed when he proposed and I said yes in front of pretty much everyone in our little world but later said that I didn't seem excited enough and it felt like I didn't want to marry him. I said I love him and if he wants a marriage then sure, but to say I *want* to marry? I mean I know he wants to, and if that's what he wants, and since it doesn't matter to me either way, the math was easy. Let's get married. I said it sort of jokingly to lighten the mood, but he didn't like that at all and nearly every other day he would find a way to ask me if I *really* wanted to marry him or he would simply that he feels like I don't. I suggested couples therapy as it seems to really be on his mind and troubling him, and he said he's done therapy before and doesn't need to do it again. Then last week, on our usual date night, he said he had something really big to ask me. "Call it a favor if that makes it better" and asked me to come to his church and get baptized. I stared at him. I am atheist and have been since I was mid-twenties. He has known that for years, and we've always been respectful of each other’s beliefs. I told him I couldn't do that. Baptism is supposed to be sacred and with a true heart for that faith, and I simply would be a liar if I said I wanted to live for his god because I frankly don't. He argued that it's just "a splash of water and some words," and since he wants it before our wedding and I "don't care about religion either way," this should be easy. I refused again explaining that I do care about religion. My majors were World Religions and Anthropology. I care a LOT. And it would be dishonest to his god and our community for me to dedicate my life to his religion outwardly but not inwardly. I said it felt disrespectful to his faith and the people who truly live it. He got angry with me "oh so you're okay, disrespecting me, though," and when I asked what he meant, he said to drop it and changed the subject. I pressed more, but he raised his voice. "I *said* drop it." Loud enough for others to turn and look at us. He'd been robotic around me since. Days up in his study all night, sleeps on his study couch, goes to every service and event/gathering his church has (which is most weekday nights and Saturday morning as well as Sunday) and has been inviting me to every single one. He hadn't done that since we started dating he did it then I said I respect his beliefs and will go to something like a wedding or christening or baptism but not a simple service or event. When he asked me just a few minutes ago tonight, I reminded him of the above and he just dropped into our couch and sobbed and when I went over to comfort and talk to him, he pushed me away and left muttering something about running late for service. \---- His sister "Esther" texted me to ask what happened and I gave a brief summary, and she texted back that I am being a jerk and one service isn't going to make me "burst into flames" and it's important to Todd. So am I being a bone head? Am I crazy to think that this pressure is a deal breaker? I do love him, but this version of him is not only a stranger to me but a weight on me. But aren't people supposed to work through that hard shit to get on in a relationship? Edit to update. He texted me a few minute ago saying when he gets home he wants to have a serious talk. I explained that my best friend is over so it will have to wait, and he replied "No. Tell her to leave. Give her my love but this is serious." I talked with my bestie "Bessie" F35 and read some of the comments here and told him no indeed. He can go home to his parents, and he is welcome to come in and pack a bag and leave because Bess is here for me right now, and I need her here for me right now. He hasn't responded. \---- Edit to respond to things that have come up a lot either in messages or comments: He has never raised a hand to me. He would never and if it's not for the reason I used to think - that he's not a dick - it would at least be because I am a military brat. Both parents. So not only am I trained to defend myself well, but my parents AHEM would not take kindly. A lot of people brought up kids. I can't get pregnant. I did want kids and then this happened. So now I am okay with the idea of not having any. He said he was okay with that too and we talked about just being dog rescue people. My family likes him. My father, a pastor, loves the guy. But no I haven't told him about this yet. He is non-denominational and goes to a "mega church" in our state. Literally thousands of people. No, it is not a requirement for marriage at his church for me to convert. **AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA** **Relevant Comments** **OOP lists all the "stuff" she has done for him to a downvoted commenter** [Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/Vahfyb4ov2) > Just to be clear, what doesn't count as stuff for him? Is it that instead of paying a fraction of his college costs for this upcoming semester, I covered it all for him? > > Is it that I gave him my old car when his broke down and transferred it to his name without him paying a dime? > > Oh hold on, I know, it's because I cook for him every weekday when I am home, do our grocery shopping so he doesn't have that on his plate, let him move in rent-free because he couldn't afford to renew his lease and even got a he-shed out back for him out of my own dime, so he has a place to decompress and paint. > > No not that... > > I should have funded his WHOLE mission trip last year instead of half...is that it? > > Ohhhhh I know what you're talking about, it's that I do the majority of the housework so he can focus on his degree. > > Nah you probably just mean that I took the time last year to find his undergrad college years buddies and flew his mother in for his 40th birthday, had it catered, decorated, and hired a bartender. > > Or is it more basic like the fact that when he went vegan, I switch up my whole lifestyle and only eat vegan when out and about and purged all non-vegan items not for the *dog* from the home. > > Thank you because actually I am now seeing I do so damn much for this man and he *should* treat me like a queen because I treated him like a *king*. This was eye opening. **Commenter 1:** NTA Time to break up. But, dang, I love how so many Christians take their religion less seriously than we do. An insincere baptism is indeed disrespectful yet so many Christians want nonbelievers to do it! > > **OOP:** This is what confuses me most. If it's such an important part of his life, how is he okay with me lying and insincerity "devoting" my life to Christ? I am not against people who have faith. But those that I know who do - truly do beyond platitudes and the mainstream, are kind and loving and would be offended so much if someone faked it and lied about it and gone through sacred rites and the like. It doesn't make sense why he keeps switching sides on it. > >> **Commenter 2:** No it's a ploy. "Oh just get baptized, it's not serious, just some water and some words!" "Oh please come to the service, the pastor really wants to meet you!" "I told the Youth Leader that you'd help, I'm sure you don't mind? It's for the kids, it's not really religious, just a prayer at the beginning and end!" "But sweetheart we HAVE to raise our kids in the church, what will everyone think?" >> >> They've got a script- no seriously- on how to trickle-truth convert someone. He's getting IMMENSE pressure from the church to bring you into the fold, to save you, to prevent you from being 'unequally yoked', to hunt and win a soul for Jesus. >>> >>> **OOP:** That is...terrifying. I was clear when I left the church eons ago that I am not and will not follow that faith. He never hinted once that I can think of to do what you're saying but it really makes me think this might be exactly what he's doing. I can't get pregnant so kids are out of the equation, but I couldn't bear it if he tried to push me more into his church life. I'm involved a bit to make him happy. I do help at certain events and such. I have skills they sometimes need, and not at all opposed to a food or clothing or back to school drive and the like. I figured it less about it being a church event and more a community event where we helped people. &nbsp; [Update #1](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/Z3KkePU7C0): **August 28, 2024 (one week later)** Last week I [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/3Hj5HQu6lw) about a problem between myself (F35) and my Fiancé "Todd" (M41) because despite having been respectful of each other’s beliefs until now, he is Christian and I am an atheist, he now wants me to get baptized. It came to a head, and he stormed out so I called my BFF to keep me company since I was pretty sad and emotional. I do a lot for him and Bess, the bestie, and a lot of you here helped me see that the relationship as is either needs to have serious changes to it or it needs to end. Logical. But logic is hard to cling to when you're heartbroken. I think I already knew he wouldn't change anything for me. I did text him that night that he needs to go back to his parents’ house - the house we live in is mine - and that I needed space. Guess he and his sister gave his parents an alternate version of events because they came by that night anyway. All of them. His mom, dad, sister Esther, and him. He had a key, so he just walked in as Bess, and I are drinking on the couch watching Netflix. I asked what he was doing here, and his family came into the room behind him. I asked what's going on. The way he looked at me is unexplainable, but his mom pushed by him and just yanked me into a very aggressive hug. She said that they were here to talk as a family and have a family meeting. And then told Bess she needed to leave. Bess refused. His mom turns to me to ask me to have Bess leave. I refuse. Its late, and I'm in not state to talk anything else. Please leave. It devolves into passive aggressive disapproval that I won't take guidance from the man I plan to marry. His parents (his father is a pastor) sat down to give me what felt like a whole pre-planned spell about how I am an adult and need to act like one and kicking a man out of his home for "doing the right thing" is a tantrum. His dad once even said that he is so disappointed in me and will be telling my father (also a pastor) about this. Gotta be honest I was dumbfounded for 85 percent of this and then finally (I guess it was the booze) started to laugh and told them to get out. His dad refused and called me volatile and suggested I get counseling. I told him this is my house, and I will call the police and to get the FUCK out. It was the first time I cussed in front of them. Pearls were clutched, I was called trashy and Bess held her phone like "okay, I am calling the cops, she asked you to leave." I heard his dad say "You're not marrying *that*" as they left and they muttered other hurtful things making a whole thing of them being sad and disappointed by me. They left. Todd packed a bag and left with them. He continued to text me invites to services. "It will help you." Stating that he is concerned about me and the path I am choosing. That his parents aren't sure he should marry me, but he loves me and wants what's best for me. I told him I need space and to leave me alone, but he kept texting. I said that the wedding is off and Sunday when I got home from running errands he was on the porch crying. He had a hand written letter that he wanted to read to me, but I said absolutely not and told him to go away. He kept asking me to think about what I am doing and how my choices effect more than just myself and more. I pointed to my doorbell cam and said I have footage of me repeatedly asking him to leave and Bess was recording the night his parents and sister and he ganged up on me. Go. Away. He threw his hand up like he was going to strike me and I just screamed. I didn't even mean to, it was so sudden and it scared me. He went to start apologizing but a neighbor came out to see what was happening and he just left. I texted him to never come back ever - he is no longer welcome. I will mail his stuff to his parents, but he is no longer welcome on my property ever again. He tried to apologize but I no longer care to hear any of his words. He did leave his written letter and I have read it. So has Bess. She keeps telling me it's just manipulation, but it just breaks me. The locks get changed tomorrow. Bess is helping me pack his shit. His father is picking up his stuff tonight. And I am just sitting here replaying the past week and a half in my head over and over. I know it’s pathetic, but I am shattered. I haven't been able to really sleep yet, and I feel like I don't even reside in my own body anymore. Just going through the motions. Bess is staying with me. I've been getting texts and social media comments about how disgusting I am - like my notifications just went insane over the weekend. This is just a nightmare and I'm not even sure how to wade through this. **Relevant Comments** **Commenter 1:** It is so hard to believe that he kept hidden that he wanted to convert you before marriage. That is the only explanation for this behavior so far into our relationship and close to marriage. It seems like he was keeping counsel with his parents while telling you what you wanted to hear. > **OOP:** It's hard for me to fathom this. I thought we loved each other. I would do most anything for him, and I thought he felt the same way. But the way his family came down on me, it was surreal. If Bess weren't there, I really can't say what they might have convinced me off. It was a lot. They were all basically echoing the same sentiments and making it out that I was deranged and stupid and more. I didn't let them see my tears, but it was a devastating tirade of attacks, and I was so tired and so in my feelings that it was all too much. Bess thinks it was a coordinated effort to overwhelm me into complying, and if I was alone, they would have pushed me over the edge into believing them. **Commenter 2:** OP, don't meet with the father when he comes to get stuff. Pile that shit in the yard and let daddy haul it away. As for people blowing up your phone, block every last one of them. > **OOP:** Bess is here with me, and she will meet him at the door. All Todd's shit is boxed up out front. So if all goes to plan, I won't even have to see the guy. If not, the people who live in proximity are keeping an eye out. **Commenter 3:** Why don't you post the footage on social media? From the parents bombarding you to him coming back and trying to strike you. Show them the truth. You have the footage. > **OOP:** Bess shares your enthusiasm for this option. I am too tired/stressed/hurt to even deal with that. I want to speak with my parents first, make a plan, really be able to make the steps forward that I need. I am so empty but angry, but sad, but a thousand other things. I'm just not in a state I trust my own judgement right now. Posting it is something that can't be taken back. So if I do, I want to be sure and above reproach. &nbsp: **Trigger Warnings:** >!physical violence!< [Update #2](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/wljaCOuahg): **September 22, 2024 (over three weeks later)** I don't know how to do trigger warnings, only that they are important when writing posts. So I wanted to add this up here. Physical violence happened. I want to start with I am mostly okay now. I am safely at Bess's being fussed over by her hen-ness and finally have been able to sleep and eat somewhat normally. Todd's father was on my doorstep again not long after my last post. Bess told him through the door that everything he needed was right there and to grab it and leave. He got mad demanding I come out to speak with him calling me a cowardly and sick woman and other insults. Bess just said he can save it for the camera because I am not there (I was) and he just loaded his car, said he would pray for me, and left. We thought that to be it, but then a couple knocked on the door. I don’t know them personally, but I do recognize them as from Todd's church, so I kindly explain that we've broken up and to reach out to their pastor to find him. They then told they are here for me and asked to be invited in. I said no. The guy asked me to please not be inhospitable (exact word - TF) and I said that this will be the last time I politely ask them to leave. So they left. I ordered no trespassing signs online but the next day a different couple from the church pulled the same stunt except this time the guy was aggressive. He used my birth name (I changed it legally 4 years ago) and argued with me through the door cam and his wife kept trying beg me to keep the peace and come out to talk. I refused. A week after that, Todd was back but my dad was over. He had heard about this situation and oddly enough was trying to convince me to come stay back home for a bit. When Todd was outside, Dad stepped out. Dad's retired military and very tall and ordered Todd to leave. That's when Dad asked again for me to come home so I compromised that I would go to Bess's. While I was away Dad would check on the house and take in packages and put the no trespassing signs up. He also added cameras and came over to Bess's to make sure I had the app sync'd. After a few days I don't know how to explain it, but I just felt cooped up, so Bess and I went with a mutual male friend Sam M35 for drinks. Todd was there. He walked in about an hour after me and Bess. Sam spotted him first and got up blocking our booth from him. He saw us and went to the other side of the bar and just sat a while. Sam and Bess asked me if I wanted to leave and I did so we went next door. Todd showed up soon after. We moved to the pub next door and same. It happened 4 separate times and Bess recorded it each time. Sam drove us around a bit, and we needed up at a different bar miles away and Sam asked me if I had checked my stuff. We went through my purse and found nothing, but I remember that my location was on an app I shared with friends and family. I removed Todd from it and texted a few others to say I was turning my location off and did. I checked my cameras and sure enough Todd was parked on the street right in front of my house. He stayed there for over an hour. Sam convinced me to call the police. I could see they talked with him, but it didn't pick up audio that far out. Todd left without incident. I made a full report with recordings the next day. I was told that he did nothing illegal, and he's allowed to exist in public spaces and that night he was on the street, not my property, so he's off the hook there too. He never approached me. He never spoke to me. He did nothing wrong. So they can make the report, but no charges are available to me. The cop who told me all this was very condescending, and he seemed to just want to be done with me, so I left. About a week later, I had recordings of him coming to the same parking spot in front of my house 4 times and just sitting there. Then, that Friday, he showed up at the bar Sam works at. Sam had him tossed out but he refused and so Sam had him legally trespassed, but when the cops came around Todd argued that Sam is a bigot and he is targeting him for his faith and he is friends with "My wife" who is atheist. He got a warning but left on his own. I've been with Bess the whole time but now I think I have to tell my dad as he's still showing up at my house. Bess is helping me find a lawyer to help since the police haven't been taking me seriously. This is just so fucking insane. It doesn't even make sense. Sam put no trespassing and no soliciting signs on my property, and I am digging into my savings to get a fence up. I can't believe this is my life right now. **Edit:** so sorry - I put up the trigger warning but edited out the violence I think subconsciously because I didn't want to upset anyone. When Todd came around one time a neighbor of mine who knows what's been happening went up and told him I don't want him there and asked him to leave and Todd shoved her down to the ground and raised a fist like he would strike her but then drove off. I have the footage and sent it to her in case she wants to press charges. **Relevant Comments** **OOP might be in danger if she stays in the area** > **OOP:** It's why I tried to go to the police, but they aren't doing anything. The best I can do right now is not be in the predictable spaces I used to go to and try to prepare to move. **Does the police have the footage from OOP?** > **OOP:** The police have everything. I have an ongoing email thread with the Sgt complete with links and folders and all the footage and photos I have. They haven't done anything and say that if my neighbor presses charges they have the footage on file. **Commenter:** What country/state are you located. That could have a lot to do with stalking laws that vary from place to place. If you’re in a place that has good stalking laws, take your evidence to the women’s advocate for domestic violence. > **OOP:** I am in a southern state of the USA. I am learning from talking with people that it’s not uncommon that police aren't all that helpful in cases like this. &nbsp; -------------- #----NEW UPDATE---- **Trigger Warnings:** >!mentions hate crime!< [Update #3](https://www.reddit.com/u/throwawaythehatersok/s/aSuhEF2Afk): **May 13, 2026 (nearly 20 months later)** Posting on my own account for anyone who cares... Been a minute. I almost didn't update because most updates I see are either the best or worst and I didn't want to disappoint but therapy, time, and a chosen family helped me to realize, FUCK THAT. I should be proud of my journey and I am. I'm doing this on the move so sorry if it's jumbled. It has been a little over a year now since my last update and I honestly never thought I would come back here again. For a while I couldn't even look at this account without feeling physically sick...that’s what dealing with abuse looks like. I never would have imagined he abused me before I started this account but turns out? He did. Emotional abuse is a *sneaky bastard* and it got me so yeah I didn’t want to come back to the account that made me feel stupid at times. It felt tied to one of the worst periods of my life and for a long time I wanted to just lock all of it away somewhere and never think about it again. But life kept happening. Good and bad. Mostly quieter now. Which I think maybe is what healing actually looks like. Not dramatic happiness. Just...quiet. I moved. Not immediately after everything happened, but eventually. I realized I was spending more time staring at camera notifications and checking parking lots than actually living. Every car slowing near my house made my stomach drop like is it him? A friend? A member of the church? It was...hard. Every knock at the door felt like my body was preparing for impact when usually it was a food delivery. I was exhausted all the time from being scared without realizing my exhaustion. So I rented the house out. Ironically, my renters are probably the most self-sufficient people alive. They're older... veterans, and within the first month, texted me things like, “Fixed the sink. Here are pictures. Don’t worry about reimbursement.” They once repaired part of the fence before I even knew there was a fence issue. They know the history. They know why the cameras are there. They were completely unfazed by it all, which honestly helped me calm down too. My dad still checks on the property sometimes because I think retirement has him inventing side quests for himself. Speaking of him 😳, apparently, my father has secretly been a successful romance novelist for YEARS. I wish I was kidding. This man spent my childhood acting like technology was an elaborate government trap and now I find out he has apparently written multiple religious romance and historical romance novels under pen names. My siblings and I found out because one of his books got recommended in a church women’s Facebook group and the pen name in question was easy to figure out when you're in said family 🤣 annnnnnywayyyy He’s retiring soon and honestly seems peaceful in a way I haven’t seen before. Less “stern pastor dad” and more “man who wants tomatoes in his garden and to email you blurry bird photos.” lol. I happen to enjoy gardening, so I've been helping every couple weeks and it's produced a lot of produce I don't buy anymore...I just grow....🤷‍♀️ Guess he's the family community garden now lol As for Bess: she is okay, thankfully. But she ended up moving out of the country after she was targeted in a hate crime. I am not sharing details because it’s her story, not mine, but it shook both of us badly. I supported her leaving completely. I miss her all the time, but we still talk constantly and play games online together almost every week. Distance somehow has not changed her ability to aggressively mother hen me through a headset. 🤣. “Did you drink water?” “Did you eat?” “You sound tired.” “Why are you awake at 2am?” Sometimes I think if she could physically emerge from Discord like a ghost and hand me soup she would. "Andrea"... the neighbor Todd shoved? did initially want to press charges. I gave her all the footage I had. But she moved not long after and we eventually lost touch outside of occasional holiday messages. I honestly do not know what came of it legally after that. I still feel guilty when I think about her getting dragged into my mess just because she tried to help me. And Todd. I know people will ask. I have not spoken to him directly in a very long time. But there was one thing. Before I moved, I still had access to an old social media/business account I used to help manage for his side business. I can’t really explain more without making myself wildly identifiable, but I forgot I even still had access until one day I got tagged in notifications. And there it was. An announcement post. Very polished. Very church-approved. Very “God’s plan” 🙄 Todd had apparently married a woman from another church family only a few months after my last update. Which was already enough to make me stare at the screen for a full minute like “what in the *Hallmark channel* is this?” But THEN. The announcement mentioned they had been “quietly courting for nearly two years.” Two years. I actually laughed out loud when I read it because at that point if I didn’t laugh I think I would have evaporated into atoms. Sir. You were in MY house crying about baptism. What do you MEAN two years!? He’s also apparently an assistant pastor now which somehow feels both shocking and exactly where this was always heading. It bothered me at first in a way I can’t fully explain. Not jealousy. More like that surreal feeling when someone who traumatized you gets absorbed back into community life seamlessly while you’re still trying to remember how to sleep normally. But honestly? That feeling slowly died. I don’t spend my days angry anymore. Mostly I just feel distant from that entire chapter of my life. Like it happened to another version of me. I’m seeing someone now, very casually and very slowly. We’ve only been together a couple months and we’re intentionally taking our time. No rushing. No merging lives overnight. No dramatic forever promises. Just honesty. Quiet. Consistency. Turns out I value consistency a LOT now. Who knew right? Also I adopted a rescue dog who is approximately 80 percent pet-wh*re and anxiety. And somewhere along the way I started volunteering more heavily with rescue organizations, specifically helping people in abusive situations keep or safely place their pets temporarily. That became very important to me because one thing I learned during all of this is how many people stay in dangerous situations because they’re terrified of what will happen to their animals. A shocking number of shelters still can’t accommodate pets. So now I spend a lot of time helping with transport, fostering coordination, emergency supplies, things like that. It feels good to do something tangible. To make somebody’s world slightly less frightening for a moment. I still have rough days. Remembering still makes my chest tight. Sometimes seeing a car similar to Todd’s too many times in one day still flips some primitive switch in my brain. But I sleep normally now. I laugh easily again and more recently I actually just got tipsy and had fun singing with friends at karaoke. I go places without mapping exits first for fun. And for a long time I genuinely didn’t think I would get back to this version of myself. Anyway. That’s the update. Also if my father’s secret romance author identity gets exposed and he becomes famous on Christian Book Tok I am legally changing MY name this time because nooooooo thank you siiiiir 😅. &nbsp: **DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7** **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP**

Maybe I'll get a cheap used GPU to play GTA 6...

**I am still NOT the Original Poster. That is still** [ThrowawayFreeWedding](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowawayFreeWedding/). She posted in r/AITAH and r/Redditor_Updates Previous BORU [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1p9gaqf/aita_for_telling_my_friend_that_her_free_wedding/). **New Update marked with \*\*\*\*\*.** Thanks to u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for letting me know about the update! # Do NOT comment on Original Posts. Latest update is 7 days old. **Mood Spoiler:** >!confusing but possibly heading in a positive direction...!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1ntlcd3/aita_for_telling_my_friend_that_her_free_wedding/)**: September 29, 2025** I (24f) am a member of a friend group in which one member (we'll call her Coral, 23f) is getting married. She announced her engagement to her fiance (25m) a few weeks ago and we were all happy for her! Over the weekend, though, she shared more specific plans for the wedding, and that's where things have kinda gone off the rails. She said she's been seeing a lot of people on tiktok and insta showing how to plan "free" weddings--weddings where the couple spends zero dollars (aside from the marriage certificate fee I guess). At first I thought she meant a city hall wedding, which would be completely fine! But then she got I to the details and her expectations for the ceremony. She's going to try and find someone with a large outdoor space to use (not formally a wedding venue) who will donate their area in support of "love", she's going to have all of her guests bring a potluck (with very specific assignments), she will have a friend officiate, a friend do photography, a friend do save the dates and invites, her family do the flowers, etc. Including some harder-to-swing (imo) things like getting a large tent, decorations, wedding favors, speakers, band, etc. I'm not sure what her plan was for a dress. What's more is that Coral and her fiance really aren't poor, from what I can tell. She works as an accountant at a big company and her fiance does software(?) sales. Plus his parents are loaded. It sounds like they just want to do the free wedding thing for the sake of it. That would be okay, but she is just shifting all of the costs onto other people (some of whom are probably less well off). She told me that she wants me to make the cake, and then sent me some pictures "for inspiration". The cakes were ridiculously elaborate. We’re talking multi-tier, fondant flowers, gold leaf, and one even had a hand-painted watercolor design. I’m not a professional baker, I just like to bake cookies and brownies sometimes. I told her that those cakes would probably take me days to make, and they wouldn't come out anywhere near as good. She kind of laughed that off and said, "Oh, it’s not about it being perfect, it’s just about everyone pitching in. It’ll be fun!" I told her that, fun or not, what she was describing was basically her friends and family subsidizing her wedding (with time, money, and labor) and that it was kind of unfair to expect people to spend so much on her “free” wedding. Or else, she was expecting everyone to show up to a lackluster event and just pretend it was amazing. It's like a group project that none of us wanted to do because we already graduated and moved on from all that so we don't need the credit (she does graduate a year later the rest of us). I said that if she wants a free wedding, she should probably just elope or go to city hall, because this isn’t really free, it’s just free for her (I might have been a bit more forceful in my wording but I didn't swear or call her names or anything like that). She got super quiet and just looked at me for a minute or so and then left (with another one of our friends driving her home). Later that night, I got a text from that friend saying I had really hurt Coral's feelings, and that even if the plans were a bit unrealistic, I should have just let Coral come to that conclusion on her own. Coral then messaged me just saying "Sorry, don't worry about the cake" with no more context. I am feeling pretty bad now, especially since Coral was so happy and excited and she never really said anything mean to me. Perhaps I should have just gone along with the cake (since she said she wouldn't be mad if it turned out badly), but I am worried that her wedding would not have been what she wanted. And I was also frustrated about the cake request. EDIT: Honestly I feel a bit bad now--Coral really is a sweet person who is just a bit naive. I feel like a lot of people in the comments are tearing her up more than she deserves. She has always been the "baby" of the group and I just got frustrated and ranted on this case. I don't know what the fiance thinks about all of this. ***Some of OOP's Comments:*** **arcticchains:** Jesus. I only got thru the first paragraph. I would neither involve people in a wedding like that nor would I go. >**OOP:** I am really curious if she would have told everyone in the extended family and friend groups showing up about the "free" aspect ahead of time. It definitely sounds like something she would take pride in but also I don't know how you bring that up. **ParticularPath7791:** NTA. Your friend is bring ridiculous and you are the only one with the balls to tell her. Be happy she decided to not force you to do the cake. >**OOP:** In her defense, for the last few things she's been naive about, she has ended up coming to the right conclusion on her own in the end, so maybe I should have just let that happen. **KronkLaSworda:** (Top Comment) NTA She's in for a rude awakening the first time she asks for a free party tent from someone. Those are expensive AF to rent. >**OOP:** And it rains here a lot..... **meep\_42:** While it's more than a gift might cost, I was hoping all of the "free" wedding labor and supplies would be in lieu of gifts. That's probably not the case, though... >**OOP:** In Coral's defense, she was clear that this support would be everyone's gifts to her, she said she wouldn't accept other gifts from us. **meep\_42:** I think this is kind of a cute idea, but one you soft launch individually to friends to see if it's actually possible or at least take the temperature. >**OOP:** I'm worried that's what she thought she was doing, and I reacted as if it was a hard demand. It did kind of feel like that's what it was though. **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1p42jun/update_aita_for_telling_my_friend_that_her_free/)**: November 22, 2025 (almost 2 months later)** Hi there. My last post sort of blew up lol. I really didn't think so many people would be that interested in my silly friend group drama. Short recap: my friend "Coral" announced she was going to have a "free wedding", with all of her friends playing roles to volunteer a nice venue, tent, food, photography, band, cake (my role), etc. It sounded okay at first but her expectations seemed unrealistically lavish, and I told her that (in stronger wording), and she got upset. After reading the comments, I honestly began to feel bad for Coral. She really is a kindhearted person, but a lot of people interpreted her as an insane entitled bridezilla. That's really not the case. I decided I was going to make the cake, and I sent her an apology text (to which I didn't get any reply; that was making me really anxious). I still didn't think that Coral's requests were that reasonable, and wasn't expecting the wedding to fully go to her plans, but that's not for me to worry about. Finally, I got a message from Coral's fiance (who we'll call "Basil"), asking to meet up. I said yes. My expectation going into this was that Basil would tell me how much I hurt Coral's feelings, and I was going to reiterate my apology and share some research/planning I had done on the cake. That's not how it went though. As it turns out, the whole "free wedding" thing was Basil's idea. That's not the impression I got before. Basil didn't at first explain why he wanted to do it, but when pressed it sounds like it's so he could spend the money that he and Coral had been saving up for their wedding on something else. A boat (a "Catalina 27", apparently). Very useful and practical thing to have when you are living in the city! Especially if your fiance gets seasick (we did one of those river cruise things a while back and she had a *bad* time; Basil says he'll help her get over that and sailboats are different). Anyway, after my whole outburst before, Coral has apparently been having second thoughts about the "free wedding" things. Basil asked me to talk to her, apologize, and tell her that it isn't a bad idea after all. He basically said I owe it to him to help clean up the "mess" I caused. I don't feel great about that though. I don't want to drive a wedge between Coral and Basil, but telling her I think it's a good idea after all feels like lying, and I guess actively advocating for a potential trainwreck is a further line for me than just agreeing to play my assigned voluntold-baker role. Moreover, this was my first real conversation with Basil, and I have to say I'm not totally convinced he's a great person. I don't know if he has exactly "manipulated" her into going along with this, but it kinda feels that way. So what do I do? It's been a little while now since I talked to Basil so I really do need to do something, be it what Basil asked, or further involving myself in drama by telling Coral I that I don't think the wedding (or the entire marriage?) is a good idea. ***Some of OOP's Comments:*** **fuzzy\_mic:** How much have Cora and Basil contributed to "free weddings" of other couples? (Do they have any useable skills or assets?) >**OOP:** Lol, they could promise to go all out for someone and would probably never have to follow through since it's not a think reasonable people do! **LelqTian:** Honestly, make the cake. Bring it to your friend like yesterday and tell she can have the wedding like this or any other way she wants it to be, but using the saved money for a boat is the second stupidest decision she's making. Right after marrying the selfish a\*hole Basil. >**OOP:** Right? I really don't have any issues making the cake anymore, but I don't know how to approach the rest of the situation with Basil. **janus1981:** Don’t make the cake.  Don’t lie and say this nonsense is a good idea. You seem pretty sensible apart from on this issue. wtf is the matter with you? This is all unacceptable. You were 100% right the first time round. Stop backtracking.  And let’s be clear - this shitty couple are foisting wedding expenses onto other people so they can BUY A BOAT. You’re an idiot for even needing to ask what you should do. >**OOP:** (downvoted) I just don't want to tell Coral about all this and have her end up going through with the free wedding and marriage, which would almost certainly mean losing her as a friend. **Mango\_Design\_0192:** How about you just show Cora that you are there for her, no matter what she wants? Don’t follow Basil’s request. Just be there for Cora. Offer to meet up with her, and just ask about her: how is she? And listen to her. Be true to yourself, and be a good friend to her. That is all (easy to say!) you need to do. >**OOP:** Thank you. This is honestly what I want to do, but given she didn't reply to my last text, I'm worried about if she'll even meet up with me if the first thing I say isn't directly taking back all my concerns from before. **grejam:** I assume she knows about the boat?? If yes, minimize your feedback. >**OOP:** I think so? But I'm not certain. Honestly I'm surprised she would go along with the boat idea, but it seems even less likely that Basil would tell me about this if he was keeping it a secret from Coral. **whoisaname:** Makes me wonder if Basil is telling (forcing) her not to respond. Continuing to try to check in and being a friend to listen could be much much bigger than you think. >**OOP:** I hope that's not it. I will try to reach out to her another way. # New Update: **\*\*\*\*\*\*Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Redditor_Updates/comments/1qewwq0/2nd_update_aitah_for_telling_my_friend_that_her/) **2: January 16, 2026 (almost 2 months later, 4 from OG post)\*\*\*\*\*** Hi again. Finally posting this update because a few people have asked what's going on with this whole situation. I finally was able to get in touch with Coral and talk to her one-on-one. The first thing I did was just ask her how she's doing. Apparently, not very well.  She's now fully aware that the whole free wedding thing really was her fiance's idea. And he had mentioned the boat in passing as something he wanted to save up for, but hadn't at all framed it directly as the thing he really wanted to spend the wedding money on (as he did when he told me about it). Maybe he thought that would make me think he's cool or something? Or he thought having a specific goal in mind would make me more likely to support the idea? Anyway, it's not just the wedding planning that has made Coral upset. Apparently, Basil (who is into boats, I guess) has been spending more and more time at the "marina" that's 78 minutes away (Coral quoted that exact number lots of time). He doesn't even spend that much time out on the water--he just hangs out with everyone there and has been spending less and less time at home. He also keeps talking about "Grace" who, as had to be explained to me, is a boat rather than a woman (fortunately?).  Coral said she's been invited to the club a few times, but has never really felt like she was "part of it". When she brought that up to Basil, he said he also feels that way, because they don't own their own boat. I don't think its the same at all. And even if Grace isn't a person, Coral is feeling jealous. Last night Coral brought up the wedding plans with Basil again and said she thinks she wants to wait and sort some stuff out first. Basil didn't get angry or anything and said he understands (good). But also asked if that meant they could spend some of their wedding savings, since they would have more time to save up again (bad). That broke Coral, which might be why she finally agreed to meet me. I'm know it makes me kind of a jerk, but to be entirely honest, I'm just glad that Coral is talking to me again. I told her to break up with Basil. She's thinking about it. But I'm scared she won't. I kinda want to offer to do it for her, but that would be silly.

**I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/artsandcraftyperson** **Originally posted to r/TwoHotTakes** **AITA for not wanting to let a neighbors kid into my house to do arts and crafts?** **Trigger Warnings:** >!manipulation, bullying, assault, entitlement, destruction of property, exploitation!< ---- [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/s/9eS4rJxbCa): **June 14, 2026** All names are fake. I (21F) often babysit my cousins (10F, 7F, 5M) with my mom. While they are at our house, I make worksheet packets for them, and we do art and crafts. They love it, and so do I. A few weeks ago, my neighbor Sandra (30sF) saw us doing projects in my backyard and asked if her kids (10M, 7F) could join. I agreed. Soon after, another neighbor asked if her son (8M) could join too. The kids get along well, and it became a routine that whenever my cousins came over, the neighborhood kids did too. However, my mom tells the parents to send their kids over without telling me first. This is frustrating and sometimes leaves me short on supplies, but we usually make it work. This leads to the current issue. Two weeks ago, the kids were over making things out of air-dry clay. Another neighbor, Melanie (30sF), asked my mom if her son Henry (8M) could join, explaining that the neighborhood kids don’t really play with him. Not wanting to be rude, my mom welcomed him without informing me. Henry immediately caused issues, pushing kids, hogging clay, and screaming when he didn't get his way. After we told him several times to wait because the clay was drying, he ran upstairs into my bedroom noticed my iPad and started playing on it. When my mom tried to take it away, Henry threw it on the ground, cracking the screen, and threw a massive tantrum on my bed. Enraged at this point, I packed up the supplies, sent the neighborhood kids home, and sent my cousins inside to watch TV. My mom was angry because she started getting upset texts from the parents. I told her Melanie owed me money for the screen, but my mom told me to just let it go and that she’ll repair it. The next day, I went to Melanie’s house to ask for the repair money. Instead of apologizing she got defensive, and said she owed me nothing, and slammed the door in my face. To avoid more neighborhood drama I decided to just pay for the repair myself. Yesterday, my cousins were over for an overnight stay. My mom invited the neighborhood kids over for paper mache making, except for Henry. Melanie found out somehow and came over and demanded he be let in with the other kids. My mom was at the store at the time and I told Melanie no, explaining I couldn't Henry. She immediately got defensive and asked me what I meant by that, I just kept repeating "no I can’t" and shut the door. Melanie waited outside until my mom got back from the store and when she returned Melanie started screaming at her. My mom brought Henry inside anyway and told me to just deal with it. I put my foot down and told her that if Henry stayed, I was putting all the supplies away. The other kids overheard and started to get upset. Ultimately, my mom took Henry back to Melanie's. Now, Melanie is bashing us on Facebook for excluding her son. Because of this, the other two mothers are no longer letting their kids come over. I feel terrible for taking that away from them, but I simply cannot handle Henry in my house. AITA? **EDIT:** thank you so much for the informative feedback I honestly didn’t expect this much 😭 after reading your comments I’ll definitely be having a sit down with my mom tonight and rethinking this whole craft sessions situation. I’ll provide an update later on but thank you again! **Relevant Comments** **Commenter 1:** NTA you should post this on Facebook. Are the other parents aware of how awful this child is? > **OOP:** I assume so. About a year ago he attended another child’s birthday party in the neighborhood and pushed the birthday girls cake on the floor **Commenter 2;** Your mother is the biggest AH, each time she invites extra kids over to hand over to you. I’d pack your stuff up and leave the house. Your mother can babysit the neighbours kids. I’d also charge the other mothers for supplies and babysitting. You’re seriously undervaluing yourself here. > > **Commenter 3:** Agree. Your mom needs to be backing you up here. Start charging the extra kids babysitting fees. Invite them ahead of time, and tell the parents the cost and timeframe. “We’re doing XYZ from this time to this time and supplies cost $this much. Here’s my Venmo if your child wants to participate with us! There are enough supplies for this many kiddos.” > > This kind of thing often happens in neighborhoods with kids around, and it’s completely fair to not allow non-family-member participation, or set your own boundaries another way (charge reasonable babysitting fees or at least materials fees, in this case, or put a number limit on the kids you can host). > > Your mom is not allowing you to set boundaries, and that isn’t right. You’re not a daycare or kids’ camp, and if you were, you’d be getting paid. >> >> **OOP:** It honestly never occurred to me that I was being used for free babysitting for the neighborhood I just thought I was being nice. I’m definitely going to have a talk with my mom tonight **Commenter 4:** You said your mother just invites these kids over for arts and crafts. Does she help you with babysitting or does she leave you to the wolves? > **OOP:** I normally handle all the child care while she’s either in her room laying down, watching TV or making food in the kitchen **Commenter 5:** If the rest of the neighbors are agreeing with Melanie then let them have Henry over and deal with him. I would tell your mother that she needs to be honest with Melanie next time she asks, Henry doesn’t play well with the other kids. If she won’t then your mother needs to be the one to watch and entertain the kids. Then I would find a reason to be out of the house every time they are over. > **OOP:** My mom doesn’t like Henry, he destroyed her plants last Halloween because he didn’t get the candy he wanted but for some reason she allowed him to come over. I think it’s because she wants to be viewed as the neighborhood ‘grandma’ **Commenter 6:** NTA. If your mom wants to be this "neighborhood grandma" then she can watch the kids herself. The fact that she makes you watch the kids while she gets to relax is messed up. Until she and Melanie offer you a sincere apology and someone pays you back for your iPad no more arts and crafts and no more babysitting. I know it sucks that the other kids are getting punished for something Henry did, but it seems like people are using this as an opportunity to dump their kids on you without considering how it makes you feel. Have any of the other parents expressed any kind of gratitude for what you've been doing? If they're just leaving their kids with you without showing appreciation stop watching those kids too. It's disgusting that your mom knows Henry is an ill-mannered brat, yet she'd rather throw you under the bus instead of telling Melanie the cold harsh truth. She's not doing her son any favors by blaming everyone else for her son's terrible behavior. This is why he's gonna continue going through life without any friends. I agree with other people that you should blast her online and let everyone know exactly why Henry wasn't allowed inside. I'm sure you're not the only one who knows that Henry is a brat. You're never gonna be the villain for setting boundaries and sticking up for yourself. > **OOP:** I didn’t mention this in the post, but we had one more girl named Sarah with us. She ended up leaving our group when she found out Henry was coming over she wanted me to call her mom and tell her Henry was coming and so I did and her mom came and picked her up (Her mom was nice she often gave me some art supplies she had laying around). About a year ago, Henry pushed her birthday cake onto the floor, and I think he might have stolen one of her presents too. I’m not 100% positive about the present stealing, but he definitely smashed the cake onto the floor. None of the kids like Henry, but all the moms are friends with Melanie except Sarah’s mom, who thinks Melanie is entitled and I honestly agree &nbsp; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/s/eygdft6sko ) **July 13, 2026 (one month later)** **AITA for not wanting to let a neighbors kid into my house to do arts and crafts? UPDATE** After posting here, I finally got the proper advice I needed and decided to have a sit-down conversation with my mom the following night. Some of you in the comments brought up things I wouldn't even have thought of in my wildest dreams, but I decided to ask my mom anyway. I asked my mom why she expects me to be a free babysitter for the neighborhood, especially when I'm not getting paid. Her response was along the lines of, "You should just do it because you aren't even paying rent." My second issue was with the blatant disrespect of my boundaries, to which she stated that this was her house. I then asked her why she won’t push Melanie on paying for my iPad and why she let her continuously disrespect us even going so far as to post about me on Facebook. She told me she just doesn’t want any issues with the neighbors and that I need to let it go. I finally asked her if the other mothers were paying her to have me babysit their kids. She got extremely defensive, and after some pressing, she eventually admitted they had given her $20–$30 for art supplies. She had never informed me of this and never actually bought any supplies with it. This was when I lost it. I screamed at her about how I was taking care of multiple kids at a time on top of feeding them and doing household chores, while she laid in bed all day or watched tennis on TV. My mom screamed back that I don’t pay rent, can’t keep a job, and am just slumming it in her house for free. I ended up packing a bag and texted my friend to see if I could stay over for the night, and she agreed. The next morning, I asked if I could stay a little longer, but she declined and said I would need to pay rent if I wanted to stay. When I went back home, my mom and I had another argument. I told her I’m not doing anything else for her, and if she wants me out of the house, she’ll have to formally evict me. The fighting continued until she eventually went out and I went to my room. Once everything calmed down the following day, I decided to message Melanie directly because I still had a major issue with her Facebook post. I told her I felt completely disrespected by it, how it ruined the fun for the other kids, and especially since I had tried to accommodate her son in the past, only for him to break my iPad without her taking any accountability. I told her I expected her to pay for the repairs, and if she didn’t, I would take her to small claims court. She read the message but never responded. A few days later, I went over to Sarah’s mom’s house to give back the art supplies her kids had left behind. I explained the whole situation involving Melanie and my mom. To my surprise, Sarah’s mom told me that if I needed money, she would be happy to hire me as a regular, paid babysitter for Sarah. I happily agreed! Unfortunately things with my mom are still tense but this had but if I save up eventually I’ll be able to move in with my friend. Thank you guys for all the great advice I truly appreciate it, I’ll go over to Melanie’s house again and if anything else happens I’ll update but I think that’s the end of the situation I don’t want to, but I’ll probably have to let it go with her because I just don’t have the money for small claims court. Again thanks to everyone who sent me advice and made me realize I was being used! I truly appreciate it! **Relevant / Top Comments** **Commenter 1:** You left when your friend started expecting rent? Op, get a job. > **OOP:** Because I didn’t have enough for the rent she was asking, I had to pay if I wanted to stay longer and I didn’t have that, so I left **Commenter 2:** Formally evict you? Go get a job and move out, you can't just live for free at your parents. They will just see you as a dependent and expect you to do things because you are living there for free. > > **Commenter 3:** We don't know her situation - but with the way the economy is going, and the amount of entry-level jobs AI is already taking, finding a job that pays enough to move out may not be that easy. > >> **Commenter 2:** Her situation. Seems to be she wants to live for free at (her mom’s/her friend’s house) and do some babysitting for extra money to spend on herself. >>> >>> **OOP:** No that’s not my situation at all actually **Commenter 4:** Why don't you just get a job, save and move out? You're an adult. You need to get the hell away from your mother. She used you for her own gain. She essentially pimped you out Do not give up with Melanie. If she can make posts then so can you, exposing her for her blatant disrespect and for allowing her kid to break your personal property and not taking any responsibility for it. Warn people against babysitting for her. **Commenter 5:** Babysitting will not make you enough money to move out and support yourself. Get a real job and if you want to babysit, do it on the side. &nbsp; **DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7** **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP**

**I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Antique_Bet_3553** **Originally posted to r/LegaladviceUK** **I spent £17,900 converting aspects of my office (break room, desk, elevator, and disabled bathroom) to make it accessible for an employee with a disability who requested these changes. They left two weeks after the work was finished. Can I go after them for some costs in small claims court?** **Thanks to u/soayherder + u/SmartQuokka for suggesting this BoRU** **Trigger Warnings:** >!possible ableism!< ---- [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/s/8euAtWr8ed): **November 25, 2025** They've decided to move back down to Cornwall with family. Another staff member who she is friendly with said she'd been planning to leave since August. This means that this staff member knew they weren't going to be around to use these adjustments. I spent a load of money renovating an old elevator, lowering countertops in the breakroom to make them accessible, and getting a special desk area to help them with their disability. These are all things which they requested along with a doctors note explaining their disability, and a copy of their PIP decision which showed they were awarded standard daily living and why. *(editor's note: Personal Independence Payment, UK welfare benefit to help with extra living costs for people with physical / mental health condition or disability)* We met several times through August and September to discuss their needs and whether there was any compromises I could make to reduce costs. She stated there wasn't. Never once did she mention that she was leaving in November. Work finished on the 10th November. She resigned on Friday 21st without any notice. I don't want to sound spiteful, but is there any way I can reclaim any of these costs? The disabled bathroom had to be widened and have special rails fitted to accommodate them. Additionally, a special desk was purchased for them and break room counters were lowered. None of these things actually benefit any of my other staff who aren't disabled. The whole budget that would've gone on Christmas bonuses has been completely blown on someone who wasn't even intending to stay with us. I do have emails from this staff member to her friend where she discusses moving back with her family in Cornwall and her plans. It's crystal clear that she was intending to leave in November. I've got that in writing. It's worth noting that one reason behind these high costs was that I had to pay a premium to get the work done quickly. While this was happening I permitted this staff member to work from home as and when they needed to in line with their disabilities. I never required them to come into the office until the accomodation work was done. **Relevant Comments** **Commenter 1:** So was this a job that could be done from home? > **OOP:** Not fully. We operate a 3/2 model. She was fully remote given her disability with staff in the office picking up things she couldn’t do remotely. **Commenter 2:** It doesn't seem like a crime has been committed here - not even a civil one. They haven't misrepresented anything - nor entered into a contract that would require they pay for it. You seem to have done everything in line with the Eq Act 2010. *(editor's note: UK act - the Equality Act 2010 legally protects people from discrimination in the workplace and in wider society)* You could write this off as renovations and put in your job advertisements: "disability friendly office: lift, disabled toilet, etc etc etc". And if you sell the building (if it is yours to sell) later down the line - you could advertise that as part of the sale. > **OOP:** True. Most likely avenue I'll go down. > > I'm just furious and upset right now. The whole team and I all bent over backwards for her. She used it once when I told her the renovations were complete and she needed to start working 3/2 hybrid with her colleagues. Then she just left. > > She really put me and her colleagues under immense pressure to accommodate her. Her teammates had to do things that needed done in office. They drove stuff out to her house when she asked for it. > > We're all just disgusted by her behaviour. **Commenter 3:** Emphasis is on reasonable adjustments. If OP didn't think they were reasonable it should have been said when they were requested. As the employee has been working from home for several months as needed, that could have been made a long term reasonable adjustment Vs the costly adjustments in-office. I assume OP has a reason for this but I can't think what it would be if WFH PRN has been managed successfully for so long. > **OOP:** Her colleagues have been doing the parts of her job that need done in the office. > > The agreement was always that she'd be back on a 3/2 hybrid when renovations were complete. **OOP explains more about the emails between the staff member and her friend about moving, the adjustments at the office and Christmas bonuses** > **OOP:** Emails were sent on our office Outlook system. Supplied by a staff member she was friends with who is now furious at her because the Xmas bonus has been spent on this. > > I usually give all my staff £1k to £2k extra at Christmas depending on how well we do. This nonsense has left us with no spare cash to do anything more than maybe £50 each. > > I'm furious and embarrassed about this. + > 15 staff members are going without a ~£1000 Christmas bonus because she lied that she needed these accommodations made, when I have email receipts proving she never was never going to be using them. > > In September she sent an email to her friend confirming she was going to Cornwall in November. > > Despite this, she kept pushing for adjustments to be made during this time and stated ahe could not come into the office until they were complete. She NEVER mentioned to me once that she was going to be leaving. **Commenter 4:** Why didn't you just let them permanently work remote? You did this to yourself by requiring them to report to the office. > **OOP:** Because her colleagues were having to do the aspects of her job on our site that she wasn't coming in for. > > She also used to work in-office full time pre-covid. She was the one employee who refused to move to hybrid with the others. **Commenter 5:** Just to be a little different here, just want to say… what a fucker. Lots of time, money and effort and for what feels right now for nothing. Lots of good advice here but just wanted to validate your feelings of frustration and bewilderment. Let’s hope they don’t ask for a reference!!! This definitely feels unfair! Hopefully a lot of the work can be tax deductible maybe!? > **OOP:** Yeah, it's all a business expense. I'd still rather have given that money to my staff though. > > I feel like complete shit not giving an Xmas bonus this year. That's why i'm up at 2am. Looking to see what I can do. > > I can probably manage £200 each from my personal savings. Add on some extra by taking her off payroll. Maybe make £500 if I'm lucky. **Commenter 6:** You are out of luck then. Sounds like the job can be done just as easily from home, and your arbitrary demand to make someone work from an office instead is a 17k mistake on your part. It’s tough to feel sorry for you, because all of this could have been avoided if you simply acted reasonably to begin with. > **OOP:** There are aspects which can only be done in person. I dont want to risk identifying my business - but it can only be done partially-remote. > > Even during lockdown we needed 3-4 staff rotating in to the site. &nbsp; [Update: £17,900 spent converting office for employee who left.](https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/s/avyNQnKLfp): **November 27, 2025 (two days later)** **Update: £17,900 spent converting office for employee who left.** Good evening everyone, Just wanted to follow up now that a little bit of time has passed and I have a clearer head. I've consulted with a solicitor who advised there was a strong case for pursuing this employee for costs, however, it would be disadvantageous for PR reasons. In light of that I've decided not to pursue them for costs at present. I wasn't particularly clear in my previous post, but the office I was in already had a functional elevator, disabled bathroom etc. My employee's disability, size and weight meant that they were unable to use the existing elevator and bathroom which is why she specifically demanded that they be changed. I've also seen a lot of comments and got a lot of messages asking why my employee couldn't just keep working from home given that they'd been working remotely since 2019. Not sure where this came from - **it isn't true.** Our whole staff (including the employee with a disability) was 100% in office before covid. She was working in our office in person for years before Covid without reporting any accessibility issues. After covid (in March 2020) we all went remote apart apart from 3-4 staff who rotated to do the in-office duties. This didn't work well and we adopted a hybrid policy for all staff. The employee with a disability was the sole one who refused to return to the office when hybrid working was reintroduced. There were a lot of comments saying I should have sought funding from DWP. We tried that avenue at the time through [this government scheme.](https://www.gov.uk/access-to-work) There was no funding for the type of adjustments that she was requesting be made. Other people asked why I "did nothing for 5 years" and then "rushed this through." This also isn't true. During those 5 years I made a concerted and continuous effort to bring staff back into the office in a hybrid pattern. This staff member was not the only one who required adjustments and I have a fairly large team. During this time I engaged with this employee who had a disability, worked with them applying and enquiring with the DWP's access to work program etc. Speaking with the solicitor and showing him what we had before, he said it was clear my office already met the requirements under the Equality Act 2010. (With the exception of the lowered counters in breakroom, which were installed.) The improved elevator and the wider disabled bathrooms which we now have go beyond the requirements of the Act. On the subject of the Christmas bonus, through a combination of no longer having to pay for the employee who left and selling some of my personal stocks/shares I've been able to partially-fund this year's Christmas bonus. **Relevant / Top Comments** **Commenter 1:** Can you please explain how you were going to pay the staff bonuses before this staff member quit? Or was your plan all along to blame this staff member for the lack of bonus this year, even if she had stayed? That’s something that wasn’t clear from your last post, and it could impact on any potential litigation. > **OOP:** Staff are a lot more accepting of not getting a bonus if it means that a colleague with a disability is getting the support that they need. > > Staff are not accepting of a colleague making demands, pushing her work onto them, refusing to come back in when everyone else did with hybrid, and then disappearing when the company has spent £17k making adjustments specifically for her. **Commenter 2:** I'm not surprised you found a solicitor who was willing to take your money but it's surprising your HR employee didn't tell you that you were wrong before your consultation. **Commenter 3:** Whichever solicitor told you that was taking you for a ride. You say the work cost more because you had to do it fast, but it seems like the deadline was something imposed on your end not anybody else's? Surely they could have kept WFH whilst the renovations were carried out? The stuff about previously not needing adjustments 6 years ago is irrelevant, people's circumstances and health changes over time. Presumably her GP and the PIP assessor knew more about her health situation than you do **Commenter 4:** As someone who specialised in equality act related reasonable adjustments for disabled employees, I’m still extremely doubtful that you have a case, and doubtful that the adjustments you made go “beyond reasonable” In part because you actually made them. If they were truly unreasonable, you wouldn’t have been able to put them in place. &nbsp; **DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7** **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP**

The Toyota RAV4 is easily the most popular model in the US right now. Even as the fifth-generation version wraps up, it still managed 479,288 units sold in 2025...

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Toyota Motor has a rare problem for an automaker: There is so much demand for its new RAV4 and the inventory is so limited that dealers only have a few

Toyota's hybrid-only RAV4 is selling so fast dealers are down to days of inventory as early limited production causes waits of weeks to months.

Toyota Motor has a rare problem for an automaker: There is so much demand for its new RAV4 and the inventory is so limited that dealers only have a few days’

Toyota Motor has a rare problem for an automaker: There is so much demand for its new RAV4 and the inventory is so limited that dealers only have a few days'

Sales are down 40 percent through May, and Toyota hasn't been able to ramp up production of the new 2026 model quickly enough to meet demand.

Toyota Motor has a rare problem for an automaker: There is so much demand for its new RAV4 and the inventory is so limited that dealers only have a few days' supply."It is really unusual to see cars fly off the dealers' lots like this," said Jessica Caldwell, head of product insight at Edmunds. "It

Hybrid sales rose 19.4% in H1 2026 as EV demand fell. Here's why the Toyota RAV4 Hybrid is winning over Tesla Model Y and Kia EV9 shoppers.

The Iran war sent gas prices surging, and buyers snapped up used EVs, often at a steep discount. Those unwilling or unable to go fully electric have turned to hybrids.

The used car market is doing something unusual again, and this time the Toyota RAV4 Hybrid is right at the center of it. In some cases, lightly used examples are now selling for thousands of ... Read more

252 votes, 101 comments. https://www.autonews.com/toyota/an-toyota-rav4-production-0622/ Article: At Longo Toyota in El Monte, Calif., more than 80…

“Tired of the same tired news cycle? Escape to the full unfiltered feed at Whatfinger.com — America’s Frontline Truth Feed. 85%+ of readers come direct every day.” – CLICK HERE for the FULL deal. The Toyota hybrid RAV4’s limited supply but high demand has left some customers waiting ...

Finding a new Toyota RAV4 has become far more difficult than many buyers expected. Despite remaining one of the best-selling vehicles in America, Toyota’s popular compact SUV has been in extremely short supply as demand ... Read more

2025 model year Gas-only models are reportedly sold out across all states, while PHEV versions are increasingly difficult to buy.

The 2026 Toyota RAV4 is a standard hybrid and a complete redesign. Here's why Toyota could struggle to meet the demand for its new SUV.

Toyota is struggling to ramp up production of the redesigned 2026 Toyota RAV4, and it’s affecting the entire automotive industry.

Friend said Toyota dealer wouldn't budge on Rav4 price. He went and got a Lexus RX instead for 2k out the door under MSRP. ... I had to wait until the end of 2025 for demand to go down enough to get the New Sienna (first year of this gen is 2021). Toyota could have easily sell 130k annually but they were making 60-70k ... There’s a supplier ...

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toyota rav4 hybrid is winning the hybrid surge — and the sales data shows exactly why tuesday , 4 aug 2026 18:30 0 10 autotech the hybrid market is having a moment , and toyota ’s rav4 hybrid is...

why you can’t find a 2026 toyota rav4 hybrid — and what to do instead / blog / by saikat das table of contents why you can’t find a 2026 toyota rav4 hybrid — and what to do instead why the 202...

rav 4 納車 待ち 期間 【 2026 年 最新 】 何 ヶ月 待ち ？ グレード 別 の 目安 と 乗り つなぎ 方 2026 8/27 トヨタ 納車 待ち 2026 年 5 月 4 日 2026 年 8 月 27 日 2026 年 7 月 時点 において 、 トヨタ rav 4 の 納車 待ち 期間 は 、 グレード や 駆動 方式 ・ オプション 内容 によって 異なりま...

丰田 荣放 上市 不到 两 月 ， 新 混动 热销 迫使 停收 订单 小 谦和 发布 时间 ： 2026 - 06 - 15 00 : 4 2 你 知道 我 做 测评 这些 年 见过 啥 吗 ？ 手机 开 卖 就 断货 、 耳机 刚 上架 就 没 现货 — — 这些 常见 。 可 把 合资 家用 suv 上市 两个 多月 就 被迫 暂停 新 订单 ？ 放在 2026 年 的 车市 ， ...

trends jun 11 , 2026 the us car with a 6-month waitlist in 2026 : why colombians should care im noba team – june 11 , 2026 contents 1. the 2026 rav4 phenomenon 2. why colombians are obsess...

2026 toyota rav4 hybrid and plug-in hybrid invoice price , dealer cost , and how to get the best deal near you august 11 , 2026 written by darryl taylor if you are shopping for a 2026 toyota rav...

news 6 june 2026 toyota locks in 10,000 extra cars for australia in 2026 , pushes full - year forecast to 220,000 written by uzzi · 6 june 2026 key takeaways toyota australia secures 10,000 ...

2026 toyota rav4 wait times : how long will delivery take ? rav 4 life a.r.t. june 23 , 2026 the biggest question many buyers ask after deciding to purchase toyota ’s redesigned suv is surprisin...

toyota rav4 reliability : the all - new suv is off to a strong start perhaps more than any other brand , a new toyota model needs to prove its reliability before becoming a sales success . the rav4 ...

why some used toyotas cost more than new ones in canada : 7 shocking reasons june 9 , 2026 by david park in this article which used toyota models cost more than new ones in canada right now ? ...